Welcome

Welcome to my counselling centre in Thurles, Co. Tipperary. Thurles is in the centre of Co. Tipperary, and accessible to other counties such as Galway, Offaly, Kilkenny, Laois, Limerick, and Waterford. I have a long association with Thurles, and am pleased that I have established a counselling centre there to cater for people in Co. Tipperary and these areas.

I did my secondary education in Thurles C.B.S., my primary degree in UCD and a Ph. D. In UCC. I spent four and a half years counselling training under Maria Huss, the founder of the Cork Counselling Centre. I also trained in EMDR under DR Michael Paterson OBE, an inspirational person and a senior European trainer, who was trained by the founder of EMDR, Dr Francine Shapiro.. You might like to check out Michael on the internet. My great passion is counselling and writing, and in my previous life, teaching. I was honoured to be the Principal of Our Lady’s Secondary School, Templemore, for 12 years.

Click here to watch the video on YouTube

I am intensely interested in helping to relieve human distress, and in my counselling centre in Thurles, Co. Tipperary I can help you with many painful issues, such as bereavement, suicide bereavement, toxic or core shame, depression, abuse (verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, workplace or neighbourhood bullying), anger, and other issues outlined below. I operate a blog from my centre in Thurles, and you are most welcome to discuss issues with me on the blog. I especially enjoy working with trainee counsellors dealing with their personal issues and, if they require, offering assistance with their presentations, essays or theses.

I love working with childhood issues, and how our childhood forms our adult personality, how it can help to shape a happy joyful adulthood, or a pain filled adulthood marked by low self-esteem and sometimes self-hatred. I have just finished a book on how the early years of our life affect our adult years. I am interested in anxiety, and how it arises and how to deal with it. I am interested in relationship difficulties, self-esteem, stress and anxiety. I am also trained to deal with trauma. Normally I use ordinary counselling first then, if necessary, proceed to EMDR which is explained below.

I HAVE MADE A SPECIAL STUDY OF THE CONTROLLING PERSONALITY. I REGARD THIS AS MY SPECIALITY AND CAN OFFER SUCCESSFUL COUNSELLING TO HELP YOU. CONTROLLING IS THE GREAT DESTROYER OF RELATIONSHIPS AND THERE ARE SPECIFIC WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT. YOU WILL BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT ABOUT 30% OF PEOPLE HAVE A CONTROLLING IMPULSE. THIS CAN BE GRADED FROM MILD TO SEVERE, SO SOME PEOPLE ARE MILDLY CONTROLLING AND OTHERS VERY CONTROLLING. THIS MEANS THAT YOU HAVE EVERY CHANCE OF MEETING CONTROLLING PEOPLE ON A FREQUENT BASIS. YOU MIGHT HAVE A CONTROLLING PARENT, BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND, SPOUSE OR BOSS. WHEN I MEET PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT OF WORK BECAUSE OF STRESS IT IS INVARIABLY BECAUSE OF A CONTROLLING BOSS OR EVEN A CONTROLLING COLLEAGUE. IF YOU ARE SUBJECT TO CONROL IT IS A DEVASTAKING EXPERIENCE. PEOPLE CONTROL IN DIFFERFENT WAYS. THERE ARE 5 WAYS PEOPLE CONTROL. THEY MAY BE VIOLENT, USE LANGUAGE TO MAKE YOU FEEL SMALL AND POWERLESS, WITHDRAW FROM YOU, CONTROL YOU SEXUALLY OR USE MONEY TO CONTROL YOU.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me for an initial discussion. You will always be most welcome at my counselling centre in Thurles, Co. Tipperary. The counselling centre is a separate building from the dwelling house and is a few miles outside Thurles. It is in a tranquil rural setting far removed from urban noise and disturbance. It offers the most confidential setting possible.

(Counselling offered for Tipperary and surrounding counties. Counselling for Thurles, Templemore, Roscrea, Nenagh, Clonmel, Carrick-on-Suir, Cahir, Cashel, New Inn, Urlingford, etc.)

Counselling Services

Based in Thurles, Co. Tipperary, I deal with human distress, including bereavement, suicide, stress, anxiety, self- esteem, relationship difficulties, abuse, sexual abuse, shame, childhood issues, trauma, problems in the workplace and distress of any type.
AS WELL AS ORDINARY COUNSELLING I AM TRAINED IN EMDR, WHICH IS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE AND DEALS WITH ALL ISSUES TREATED BY GENERAL COUNSELLING AND MUCH MORE. IT WAS ORIGINALLY DESIGNED FOR TRAUMA (OFTEN UNNOTICED) OF EMOTIONAL NEGLECT IN CHILDHOOD, WHICH CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION LATER ON IN YOUR LIFE. IT MIGHT ALSO BE ADULT TRAUMA, SUCH AS SERIOUS SEXUAL ASSAULT, INVOLVEMENT IN A SERIOUS ROAD ACCIDENT, OR BEING SUBJECT TO SERIOUS ASSAULT. WHEN WE EXPERIENCE A TRAUMA, ESPECIALLY CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL NEGLECT, IT CAN BECOME LOCKED IN OUR BRAIN AND IS NOT PROCESSED. THIS CAN RESULT IN SEVERE ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION IN ADULTHOOD. EMDR FACILITATES THE BRAIN TO PROCESS SUCH TRAUMAS AND RELIEVE ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION. IT IS ALSO EFFECTIVE FOR PHOBIAS AND CAN BE USED IN CONJUNCTION WITH OTHER THERAPIES TO ALLEVIATE OCD. EMDR IS TRIED AND TESTED BY MANY STUDIES. YOU MIGHT LIKE TO CHECK IT ON THE INTERNET TO GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF IT. There is now evidence from scans showing where EMDR activates the brain. I have these is an explanatory handout for you.

I do not deal with alcohol or drug addictions but EMDR can be of benefit for addictions.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Relationship Difficulties

Problems in our intimate relationship can cause ongoing hurt and frustration. This can lead to anger, anxiety and depression. Such problems may have different roots. They can arise from a controlling partner, the one with the voice in the household, who tries to control the other partner through various means. They can arise from difficult financial circumstances in these tough economic times. They might come from incompatible traits, which seem attractive when partners first meet, but eventually can become a source of irritation. Problems may arise when one partner expects another to meet all his/her needs. Sometimes adults, who have suffered childhood neglect, may find it difficult to make emotional contact in a relationship, and withdraw. This withdrawal causes resentment and frustration. Withdrawal can also be part of poor communication, one of the main factors that cause relationships to founder. I prefer to deal with individuals and I no longer do couple counselling. Basically if one partner changes the other must also change if the relationship is to survive.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Anger Management

Anger is a good feeling. ‘Normal’ anger is a very healthy feeling. If someone hurts us, it is natural to be angry. ‘Toxic’ anger, on the other hand, is core anger or rage, and often comes from childhood abuse. Essentially, it is a surge of rage at something minor. Counselling is essential to treat toxic anger. It is most important to remember that we are not responsible for our feelings, but we are responsible for our behaviour. Anger should be vented, but we must choose to vent it safely, i.e. not on a person or a creature.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Trauma

I deal effectively with trauma, however major. Major trauma can include accidents, including traffic accidents, farm accidents, serious assault including sexual assault, burglary, domestic violence and so on. Trauma includes either being involved in traumatic incidents or witnessing them. I also deal with adults who have suffered childhood trauma, for example, the loss of a parent at a young age, a violent childhood or neglect. I use EMDR for such events. Research has shown that it is the most successful therapy for dealing with trauma.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Counselling Teenagers

I have always found helping teenagers fruitful and enjoyable. My work with them as a secondary school teacher, Principal and now counsellor spreads over 40 years. I genuinely love the good humour of teenagers, their generosity, optimism and sense of fair play, and I feel sad, when in my counselling, I meet those who are depressed, anxious, angry, bereaved, or who have school problems. All of these arise from circumstances outside their control, and I am happy to say that I am generally successful in relieving their distress. In dealing with teenagers I try to preserve confidentiality and at the same time, work in cooperation with their parents. I FIND THAT EMDR IS AN EXCELLENT THERAPY TO HELP TEENAGERS TO RESOLVE THEIR ISSUES.

Bereavement Counselling

Bereavement comes from the word reave, meaning to be robbed or dispossessed. Powerful words. It is something we all experience. The greatest loss for me was the death of my 13-year-old child in a road accident. Many years later, I wrote a small book about how my family, some teenagers, suffered from the loss. It also prompted me to write a thesis for my counselling qualification on grief, and how we all grieve differently. I am, therefore, able to help grief-stricken people in a very real way.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
ABUSE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DEATH OF A CHILD

Workplace Bullying

Workplace bullying is one of the most common forms of abuse and greatly under-reported. It can destroy our health and our lives. It can make us feel helpless and inadequate and bring on serious anxiety and depression. I can help you to understand this bewildering behaviour, and above all to understand the bullying personality so that you can defend yourself better if you become the victim of workplace bullying.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Domestic Violence, Abuse and CONTROLLING Relationships.

Abuse is based on power and control. It brings intense distress to those who suffer it, psychologically disabling them. People can be abused in various ways. Abuse through violence is known as domestic violence. Domestic abuse is different, and means that power is gained over others through verbal, psychological, sexual and financial control. My book on abuse explains this in some detail. I can offer a lot of relief to those who find themselves in abusive situations or relationships whether they are married or not. I can help victims build good boundaries, and recognise the traits of the abusive or controlling person. There is nothing more distressing than being controlled. IT BRINGS ON LONGLASTING FEAR AND ANXIETY.Childhood abuse of all types is based on the same principle – power and control. It is easier to control children than adults, and abuse suffered in childhood has long-term damaging results. I can help you if you have suffered abuse as a child.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Anxiety

Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people come for counselling. It always has a root cause, and exploring this can help clear it. Sometimes, however, anxiety symptoms are so severe that it is not possible to do this exploration until the symptoms have been eased, otherwise retraumatisation may occur. Anxiety manifests itself as physical sensations such as trembling, headaches, panic attacks, tightness in the chest, stomach turning, sensations and sounds in the head and so on. These symptoms can be treated by bodywork such as progressive relaxation and deep breathing. Anxiety can also be caused by negative thinking that increases our fear and hence our anxiety. Restructuring our thinking is necessary to deal with this.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Fear

Fear is not something we think about very often yet it is more widespread than depression or anxiety. It can be utterly crippling and deprives us of joy and fulfilment. There are two types of fear, normal and core fear. Core or toxic fear is the one that causes us problems. I believe that the primary toxic fear is fear of abandonment, which feeds other types of fears and phobias. Fear of abandonment is bred in childhood and emerges in adulthood under various guises such as shame, anger, jealousy, abusive and controlling behaviour, people pleasing, low self-esteem (a sense of not being good enough) and much more. Two really widespread and disabling fears are social phobia and fear of failure. Fear affects many aspects of our lives and some of the symptoms mentioned here are destructive to relationships – our relationship with ourselves, intimate relationships, social relationships, professional relationships and so on. I believe that dealing with fear of abandonment will ease all of these disabling traits.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Bullying

Bullying is very widespread and causes endless distress to those who are targeted by others. It is found in the home, in schools, at work and in neighbourhoods. Bullying is essentially abusive behaviour, and a bully may also be called an abuser or a narcissist. It is about gaining power and control over another. Without exception, power and control underlie abuse or bullying. There are different ways to control others. It can be physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or financial. All are equally debilitating although sexual abuse is the most intrusive and distressing. it is almost always found in relationships when one of the partners is an abusive person. Financial abuse is one we rarely think of, but it ranges from depriving a partner of enough money to run a household, to underpaying a worker to taking the lunch or pocket money from a school child. One point worth remembering is that trying to placate a bully never works. Assertiveness is the only way to confront a bully. The controlling impulse is wired in the brain and without help the abusive person will never change. Such people have endured difficult, negative childhoods, and their mindset is essentially blaming. They blame you and then become the victim. They always feel they are right and have black and white thinking. It is their way or no way. Don’t be fooled if at times the turn on the charm. Abusive behaviour is a cycle, with the bully being nice for a short while, then there is increasing sourness and finally an outburst or withdrawal. That is why victims of bullying will say that they continuously walk on eggshells.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Depression

Depression is one of the most widespread complaints in the world. It is also very complex and EMDR is one of the therapies that has a specific protocol to deal with it. The problem with depression is its tendency to recur, so the main aim of EMDR is to heal current depression and prevent it happening again. Depression can involve combination of feeling sad, pessimistic, dissatisfied, guilty, feeling a failure, having self-dislike, being disappointed in yourself, being critical of yourself, feeling suicidal, weeping, feeling irritable, soially withdrawing, being indecisive, feeling leghargic, suffering from insomnia, feeling fatigued, and losing interest in sex. It comes in episodes, and unless healed each episode is more severe that the previous one.As you can see it involves not just feelings but also negative thoughts. The depressed person lives in a negative world and many people with depression also suffer social anxiety. Quite frequently teenagers who suffer depression cannot concentrate. It is as if a dark cloud comes over them and they are unable to think properly. This is also the fate of many depressed people. As well as feeling awful and having negative thinking depressed people sometimes behave in sluggish ways, taling slowly in a monotonous voice and moving in a slow manner. They find doing even small things difficult and suffer from anhedonia (not getting pleasure from anything). There are also some differences between male and female depression, and one of the main symptoms of teenage depression is anger and irritability.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD

Jim's Blog

Video

Jim talks to TV3's Ireland AM about domestic abuse. Copyright Ireland AM.

Contact Jim

Jim O’Shea
Furze
Thurles
Co. Tipperary
Telephone Number

Email: jim@jimoshea.net

IACP Accredited Member Enquiry Form

Publications

Location Map