Monthly Archives: December 2017

The nature of our attachments to our caregivers dictates how our adult life will be

It is difficult to believe that childhood largely dictates how our adult life will be. The seeds are sown from very early childhood before conscious memory begins, and, therefore, in a counselling setting it can take months for the adult to make the connections between childhood and adulthood. It can

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Posted in attachment, childhood
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It all ended well for Linda and she deserves every happiness for dealing with how she was betrayed.

I hope that this blog has given you a better understanding of abuse. It is an emotionally difficult behaviour to explore. Some of this behaviour is ghastly, and has a devastating impact on victims. Nonetheless, however difficult an abusive situation seems to be, however despairing your frame of mind, even

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When you have healed you must still watch any propensity to control.

I believe, however, that the urge to control never leaves, although it greatly lessens. Therefore, to prevent this, you must always be keenly aware of your need to control. When you have completed therapy, your ways of controlling can become more subtle. You will know that control is the basis

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, changing your abusive behaviour
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To change your abusive personality you must first acknowledge that you are abusive and take responsibility

When you have told and discussed your stories, you should begin the healing process, as discussed in the last blog. This means sitting down, and acknowledging and taking responsibility for your part in the abusive relationship. Listen to each other’s unconditional admission without interruption and without becoming defensive. Both of

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, changing your abusive behaviour, Uncategorized
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It is difficult to change a mutually abusive relationship

As I mentioned earlier, about 45% of abusive relationships are bilateral, or mutually abusive. One of you may ultimately feel that you cannot go on living like this, and perhaps begin the process of trying to change the abusive relationship. This is a major task, and it is unlikely that

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, changing your abusive behaviour
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