Having thought long and seriously, begin a written jealousy history going back as far as you can and writing down as many details as possible. Then keep a jealousy diary which will give you some power over this distressing sensation. In the diary write down the behaviours involved in the jealous incidents, and in particular the thoughts which promoted these jealous behaviours and compare them to past jealous behaviours. Write about how your jealousy manifested itself. Was it through anger, rage, or anxiety? When you see something written down it can bring home the irrationality of your jealous thinking and behaviour, and the destruction they are causing. Looking at those other feelings can help you deal with them separately and reduce the bodily sensations brought on by jealousy. You could also look at the triggers that bring on the jealousy and this will help you prepare for them. These triggers might include your ‘checking’ behaviours; checking your partner’s freedom in talking to the opposite sex, checking their Facebook account and checking their time spent shopping. You need to ask yourself what you are getting from such irrational behaviour. It is in your power to change your behaviour. You have a choice.
One of the most important steps you can take is to examine your core values and core beliefs, which are mentioned throughout this book. Remember that your core beliefs are built around your feeling of not being good enough, and ironically these can express themselves as a narcissistic outlook. You are convinced that your partner must meet your needs and you will try to cut out any obstacles to this. Isolation of your partner is your answer to meet this need. See if you have the strength to embrace humility and talk to your partner about your jealousy. Remind yourself that if you fail your relationship will most likely founder.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
