They stumble in mind-darkness,
Joyless in their souls’ destruction.
Shame cloaked.
Forgetting who they were,
Not knowing who they are.
Dehumanised in their wound-filled souls,
Tears unnoticed,
Hearts’ hidden hurts.
Afraid,
They stumble on,
Awaiting redemption
Courage
To confront the destroyer.
And live again.
(Jim O’Shea)
The majority of relationships are healthy, and abuse can never thrive in a healthy relationship. Love is the basis of all healthy relationships. When I was a child, I learned that we should love our fellow humans irrespective of creed, class or colour. I learned that love was patient, kind and tolerant. Behaviours within an intimate relationship should demonstrate love, patience and parity, where we can peacefully sort out our difficulties. The relationship must be nurtured with patience and generosity, and as much unconditional love as possible. Our needs must be substantially met, so that we can feel our power, experience intimacy, feel that we are loved, have fun, and have the freedom ‘to be’. The healthy relationship encourages disclosure without fear of nasty repercussions, breeds trust, and allows scope for mutual and individual space.
Unfortunately, however, this is not always the case and abuse is common and universal. It is perpetrated by both men and women. It is found in every social, cultural, economic and racial background. Professionals, white-collar workers, religious leaders, well-educated people are just as likely to be abusive as any other. Throughout the book I will give you a few statistics merely to show how extensive it is globally. These statistics are shocking, and mainly refer to developed countries. I shudder at what may be happening in developing countries such as Uganda, where women are poor, deprived and do most of the farm work. They risk being assaulted, raped, and having their children abducted.
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying by Jim O’Shea. Cork University Press.