Abusive behaviour itself is also cyclical. Dubbed “the battering cycle”, this recognized phenomenon recurs as a pattern within families. Connie Fourré in her blog, Finding Your Way Through Domestic Abuse, labels abuse as occurring in stages. Stage one is the honeymoon phase, where the abuser is kind and thoughtful, exhibiting the charming behaviour of the abusive personality type. The next stage is characterized by the tension generated when the abuser experiences stress and irritability and becomes cold and distant. The abuser perceives himself as a victim during this stage. Stage three is the crisis phase when the abuser’s rage reaches boiling point and is discharged through violence.
Some writers have referred to the cycle as moving from tension building to contrition. Ann Jones sees it as a process of seduction and coercion that confuses the victims. Others depict the abuse as beginning with violence, followed by guilt that he or she may be caught, and then comes rationalisation and excuses, followed by a period of calm and self-control. As the stress of being in an intimate relationship increases, the perpetrator fantasises and plans the next cycle. It is a merry go round whereby the victim is assuaged, loved, belittled, assaulted, and the cycle begins again. Linda’s description of the cycle is somewhat muted
“He used to say to me when he would come back that he didn’t know why he done it and he loves us very much and do I know why he was doing this. Now it wasn’t like I used to just welcome him back with open arms when he did come back, I would be really mad with him and tell him how much he is hurting and upsetting me and it’s not fair to do this to me, and I would quiz him about where he was. Things would be really nice after one of his disappearing acts. When our talks would be over, he would go back to the old nice Stephen. But this would always be short lived and it wouldn’t take long to go back to the unpleasant man”
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
ABUSE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DEATH OF A CHILD