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Older people learned in school that anger was a sin

At one time Ireland brought a religio-cultural dimension to anger. Older Irish people up to the 1970s learned from their catechism that anger was a sin, and not just a sin, but one of the seven capital or deadly sins. This became ingrained in us. Although I attended school in

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Anger Coming from an Insecure Attachment

Many people who had an insecure attachment in childhood carry anger as adults, some of it intensely evident and some latent. I have, however, met people who suffered neglect in childhood, who assured me that they did not feel anger and I believed them. Sometimes during a counselling session the

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Hitler a good example of how a childhood can damage us although it does not excuse how we behave.

As you can see from the last blog, many circumstances preventing adequate parenting are simply unavoidable. One of the most familiar cases in my experience is that of having a large family, where parents struggle to find time to meet the needs of their children. Frequently, in such cases clusters

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Emotional or soul wounds inflicted in childhood can run from generation to generation.

Parental failure to meet dependency needs is, in effect, traumatic for the child, and inflicts what is called an emotional or soul wound, which is too painful to experience. The result in teenage years, especially around the age of sixteen, is a severe lack of concentration in school, where the

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We must show an interest in our child and show him or her how to do things.

Affection and love needs are obviously closely linked, and all of the dependency needs overlap into a holistic parental behaviour sending out positive messages to your child, which in adult life increases his capacity to give affection and love in the best sense of the word. The third need is

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Give your child as many hugs as possible. You can never hug enough!

Touch is the heart of affection, and that is how you make the child feel a sense of approval, the second need. Alice Miller, the great Polish psychiatrist, advocated that the first year of the child is the most important one. This is the time when the child should be

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Meeting a child’s dependency needs is absolutely vital and has a profound impact on his or her adult life.

If good enough parenting determines the creation of a secure attachment, obviously it is crucial to understand how this happens on a practical basis. In theory this is very easy, although, judging from the extent of attachment problems, it may not always be so simple to do. Good enough parenting

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Creating a secure attachment is the most important job a parent has

When you consider in the last blog Jason’s sad situation and the issues it bred in him, you might think that his mother would be able to compensate for it. But, that was not the case, showing how vital the father is for the boy in terms of attachment and

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The love and attention of fathers’ is vital to male children

You have seen how one of Jason’s issues was fear of abandonment, and the following excerpt shows how significant his insecure attachment to his father was, and how it impacted on him, breeding shame, hurt, jealousy, discord, fear, depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and a stubborn desire for his father’s

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An insecure attachment means there is no emotional bond between child and parent in adult life.

If a secure attachment is badly disrupted similar problems follow. This can occur, for example, if a caregiver gets depression or is sporadically unwell, or dies. The consequences of this can be serious in terms of the emotional development of the child and many of the psychological and emotional ills

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