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My own fear of failure inhibited me although I was unaware of it

The first example of my fear of failure happened in 1979. As I mentioned in the last blog I was unaware until recently what my difficulty was. I had graduated from University College Cork with a Ph. D in History and shortly afterwards a position as a History lecturer in

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Fear of failure stems from an innate feeling of being defective, a childhood wound.

You can either learn fear of failure, or it becomes engendered in you through neglectful parenting. I believe that fear of failure comes from a core feeling of not being good enough, which is turn stems from a child’s feeling of being unloved, and perhaps being overtly or covertly criticised.

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Fear of failure is a core issue that inhibits our instinct for achieving.

Failure in the context of fear is not what it seems to those who are fortunate to have had a secure attachment to parents and, therefore, are blessed with high self-esteem. They see it as no more than negative circumstances from which they learn and move on. It is a

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Fear of failure

For the next few weeks I want to look at a fear many of us have- fear of failure. All the issues I write about in this blog stem from an insecure attachement during childhood. In other words, they are all attachment issues and result from a failure in parenting.

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You will never be happy if your partner has toxic or core jealousy. You will be imprisoned

The ‘Dutch Cow’ technique advocated by the psychologist Dr Ayala Pines is an unusual but effective way to challenge a jealous partner, who may be pestering you with texts. It would be especially effective if your partner has Adult Separation Anxiety. Using this technique, you call your partner very frequently

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The Love Languages of Gary Chapman. Can be used in the context of jealousy

There is a technique in couples counselling called the five love languages, which should be useful in helping to heal jealousy, but would not work with violent jealousy. The use of the love languages might slowly diminish and help to heal non-violent toxic jealousy, especially of those suffering from adult

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It is vital for you to have a voice if you have a partner with toxic jealousy

Assertiveness when dealing with bullies can also be shown in a practical way. Your controlling partner will be very interested in your social network sites such as Facebook, and his jealousy will prompt him to frequently check your conversations and contacts. You can prevent this by concealing your passwords. This

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You must be assertive with a bully/controller/abuser/narcissist

When you understand the controlling personality, the complexity of jealousy and the irrationality of your partner trying to make you jealous, you can then consider your options. You have choices. You can remain and be subject to jealous outbursts where your freedom is curtailed and you are walking on eggshells,

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Controlling partners try to make you jealous because of their own inherent fear of abandonment. The feel inferior and hence use jealous behaviour to isolate you.

It is helpful to consider the irrational train of thought of your jealous partner and the behaviour that follows from this. You will, for example, notice the irony of how he tries to make you jealous. This comes from his fear of abandonment and this behaviour is one of the

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If you have a partner with core or toxic jealousy there is little chance he or she will change.

What to do if you have an irrationally jealous partner, who refuses to do something about his or her jealousy? In the case of toxic jealousy, this will involve a long, difficult and sometimes fruitless struggle that takes patience, knowledge and determination. If you are in a relationship with a

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