In looking at anger and its ancillary feelings, you should distinguish between anger and bitterness. There are many differences between normal anger and bitterness. There are, however, many common characteristics between toxic anger and bitterness. They are both long lasting, although toxic anger lasts a lifetime, while you can let go of bitterness and resentment. Both also carry an element of vengeance, although it is stronger in bitterness. They are both harmful and constant silent companions. As you will see in the following section anger, even toxic anger can be managed, but bitterness can be all- consuming. Unlike toxic anger, bitterness is not bred in you as a child, but arises because of some real or imagined injustice done to you as an adult, where it is akin to resentment, a feeling that shares some of the characteristics of anger. Resentment can be the vehicle of anger, but has the core of bitterness. Those who have toxic anger are more vulnerable to bitterness, because they are sensitive and never forget a slight.
Unless you let go of the memory of the injustice, bitterness will persist and become like a second skin to you. If you are bitter you feel like a victim, whereas toxic anger makes you feel powerful, although it is bred from being a victim of childhood neglect. Both are bad for your health, so you should try and find empathy for yourself and let your bitterness go. Forgiveness is the best antidote for bitterness, but it is not easy to access, because, as shown above, it is a feeling that may or may not arrive, in which case you may have to rely on some type of cognitive forgiveness. In practice this would mean letting go of vengeance.
Extract from Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. Publication 2018
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
CHILDHOOD DISTRESS
