Your black and white thinking and sense of entitlement are powerful obstacles to dealing with jealousy. It is important to put this black and white thinking under the microscope and see the fear of being hurt preventing you from reaching out for help. But, you are hurt from childhood, and appearing to be ‘strong’ will only bind you and imprison you. Remember that vulnerability is a decision, a choice, a behaviour, and you have control over it, just as you have control over jealous behaviour. Vulnerability is essential in the healing of toxic jealousy.
You may be unaware of your jealousy. It is well known that controlling people practise projection i.e. accuse their partners of being controlling. This is a blatant denial of their own condition and a projecting of their own undesirable traits onto their partners. It is a defence mechanism that psychologists sometimes cause externalisation, whereby you blame others for issues rather than admit ownership of them yourself. So become aware, and take this first step of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for your behaviour rather than blaming your partner. Only you can decide how you will behave, and you can decide you will not behave in a jealous manner even if you feel the pain of jealousy. If you continue to act in a non-jealous manner eventually your brain will make a new program and it will become natural not to behave in this controlling way. This takes much time and work.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
