Apart from feelings of grief, we also experience physical sensations.Some of the most commonly experienced sensations are hollowness in the stomach, tightness in the chest, tightness in the throat, over-sensitivity to noise, breathlessness and shortness of breath, muscle weakness, lack of energy, and a dry mouth. Psychosomatic symptoms are also physical in nature, and include headaches, dizziness, skin rashes, and colitis. Some of these can be quite frightening, and being aware that they stem from the stress of grief lessens their psychological impact. I recall being extremely frightened one evening in the early stages of my bereavement. I was having my tea, and suddenly felt a tightening in my chest. I was convinced that I was about to have a heart attack. I was greatly relieved when the doctor told me that my chest muscles had tightened because of stress. This stress also caused the skin on my hands to peel off.
Fatigue is another unpleasant side effect of grieving, and for a long time I was extremely tired and dispirited. Nowadays we are all aware of what stress can do to us. The literature explains that stress suppresses the immune system, and leaves us open to illnesses. The stress of bereavement can be extremely severe.
Another grief reaction relates to our thoughts, and these influence how we feel. The main thoughts associated with normal grief are disbelief, confusion (lack of concentration), preoccupation (thinking about the dead person. Such thoughts can be very intrusive if there had been conflict in the relationship), sense of presence (deceased watching over the survivor), and hallucinations, (which can be visual or auditory).
Disbelief is one of the main grief reactions, especially when the death is sudden. I could not believe it that my child had been killed. He had been at Mass with us that morning, and now he was on a mortuary slab, never to be with us again. How could this happen to me? Unbelievable. I recall going into a shop for the first time a week after his death. I carried my dark inner world and my disbelief with me. My wife’s disbelief was so intense that for a year she listened for the door to open at 4.30, when our child normally returned from school. I also suffered from confusion, lacked concentration, felt disorientated, and frequently it was dangerous for me to drive. There were times when I had to pull in my car, and try to recall where I was going.
Tags: bereavement, death of a child, grief