Sudden death is one of the factors that profoundly affect the nature of our grief. This is especially true in the early stages. Some bereavement psychologists hold that grief work is not only difficult to start, but harder to complete in the case of sudden death. Some possible reactions to sudden death includes a sense of unreality about the loss, increase of guilt feelings, a sense of helplessness, a sense of being agitated and uneasy, a sense of unfinished business, and a wish to make meaning of the death.
There is no emotional preparation for a sudden death. I have experienced this. I had no preparation for any type of death. I had never been bereaved, and did not even own a grave. I was only 45 at the time, my parents were youngish, and I never expected to need one for years. For a long time I kept asking myself ‘how did this happen?’, and for many years the ringing of the phone filled me with dread because I feared it might be news that something awful had happened to one of my other children. I was pervaded by a general sense of unease, and my feeling of helplessness was accompanied by a feeling of sheer terror. I felt powerless.
Tags: bereavement, grief