In my last posting I mentioned the 4 tasks of mourning. The immediate task is to accept the reality of the loss. If we fail in accepting that it happened we will become stuck in the grieving process, and will inevitably suffer anger and perhaps depression. Accepting the reality of the death of a loved one, however, is not easy. We can convince ourselves that we have done so, but we must feel this acceptance. Acceptance is not a happy feeling, but is one of peace, where the anxiety and confusion, have dissolved. Very often there is denial, and this is seen by some psychologists as a temporary healthy reaction, and a buffer to cope with sudden death.
My own acceptance of my son’s death was immediate. I suffered the full, crushing impact of the loss at once. However, I now realise that this was a biological and intellectual acceptance, rather than an emotional one. Emotional acceptance enables the survivor to properly grieve and move on. I have to admit that I will never fully accept the death of my child. talk again on Monday.
Tags: bereavement, death of a child, grief