Hi there. in my last posting I mentioned the feelings of grief. I do not have the space here to explore each feeling, so I will concentrate upon a few. The one that seems to be most problematic to people, especially older people, is that of anger. Long ago when I was learning the catechism in my little rural school, I learned that anger was one of the seven deadly sins (the others being pride, covetousness, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth). So I grew up with the feeling that anger was a sin; even more a deadly sin! Anger is not a sin. It is a normal, healthy feeling, which should be allowed expression (not however in violent behaviour towards others). I recall stopping the car and shouting my anger at God, and at my child for being so careless on the road, for leaving me bereft and suffering. God can take it.
Another feeling, which is hard to bear, is loneliness. In a sense it is a feeling of desolation that part of one’s life is gone and will never return. I experienced this not only following the tragedy in my family, but when I retired from a busy job.
Perhaps the worst feeling following a sudden death is the feeling of terror. I found that this arose from my feeling of helplessness. I was unable to do anything to prevent the death of my child. I have mentioned the feeling of emancipation. This is also problematic for the grieving person to admit. But relief and emancipation are feelings that arise when the survivor is released from a life of cruelty and abuse, inflicted by the person who has died. Talk again in a few days.
Tags: bereavement, grief