As already stated toxic shame flourishes in the dysfunctional, closed family, and, unless dealt with, goes from generation to generation. Lack of space prevents a full examination of how a dysfunctional shame-based family operates; but I hope to point out some family behaviours in these posts.
Interestingly in a 5 generational genogram (family map) John Bradshaw discovered 5 generations of alcoholism, physical and emotional abandonment; 4 generations of sexual abuse and addiction, plus early pregnancies, multiple marriages, divorces, and so on.
When a couple from shame based families meet they, too, will create a shame based family, as both try to meet their inner child’s needs, and they will be unable to suffer each other’s differences. As they struggle with their relationship, they will formulate a set of family rules which are toxically based. Unfortunately these shame based rules will automatically shame the children of such a union. There is a hierarchy of shaming individuals formed, with the father at the top of the pile.
Tags: toxic shame, unhealthy shame