Hello. Sorry, I have been off line for a week. Now I want to continue with some thoughts on toxic or unhealthy shame. Before a person can love himself or herself, and experience the whole range of beautiful and healing human feelings, they must first explore how toxic shame was sown in them. One of the principal things to understand about toxic shame is that it permeates all other feelings (except rage), distorts them, and prevents the sufferer from being happy. It is often accompanied by rage. Rage is the only feeling that cannot be overcome by toxic shame. Indeed the shame breeds rage. I am convinced that unhealthy shame stifles most feelings as well as polluting them. A person who has been toxically shamed will not feel compassion or sadness for others. Such people are aware of the absence of compassion and empathy in their relationships; they may wish to have these feelings, and they are often baffled at why do are not compassionate. They may envy others who are full of compassion and are ‘feeling’ people. People who are toxically shamed can, of course, behave in a sympathetic manner, but that is very different from feeling compassion, which is so necessary for a healthy society.The normal shame that arises from, for example, some indiscretion is greatly increased in those who have been shamed to the core. Their sense of self-value is undermined and they have little self-esteem. Their pain is so great that they use every means to avoid feeling it.
Tags: toxic shame, unhealthy shame