There are many factors that ensure that we all grieve differently. Counsellors call these mediators of mourning. One of the most important is that of relationship and kinship. Clearly a different response may be forthcoming at the death of an aged parent as against that of a child. The death of a distant cousin will evoke a different response to that of a sibling. And so on.
The nature of the attachment between the survivor and the deceased is one of the most crucial elements affecting the grief response. Attachment has been much written about by psychologists. It is a complex issue, but at its simplest, the stronger the attachment the greater the grieving pain. A counsellor called Mary Jones once wrote that ‘grief is the price we pay for love’. How often did I say this when I was grieving my child, when I prayed for relief from the torment. Of course, I found there was no escape. I loved my child dearly, and hence my pain was great. In a sense it was a contradiction for me to pray for release. It was like praying for release from the love I had for my child.
Tags: bereavement, grief