Blog Archives

Possessiveness is a sign of vulnerability, but is a nightmare for the target

While you are taught to manage your anger, you will continue to probe issues underlying abuse – power and control- so it is vital in individual counselling to explore how you control. To do this, examine closely the daily tactics you have used, and see, for example, if you frequently

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Beverly Engel, Connie Fourré and Lundy Bancroft outline steps that will help you confront your abusiveness, and I will use my own experience to supplement these. I believe that the first step is to learn about the abusive or controlling personality, the characteristics of abusers, and the importance of attachment

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Controlling people suffer from other mental health problems

Those who work on programmes in Ireland enjoy the satisfaction of seeing some of the abusive participants change for the better and stop abusing. But, this work can also be frustrating, and facilitators also experience the disappointment of trying to deal with abusive men, who are not willing to change.

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If you have an abusive personality, can you change?

This cancer eats my soul, Even as I grow older. I have not the gift of wisdom, It is not possible. I can give good advice, I can see the problems, I can offer solutions, I am intelligent, But my soul is contaminated, The generosity of my spirit stifled in

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sexual abuse of any type should never be minimised or condoned

All abuse has a damaging impact on victims. The type, extent, and duration of the abuse are some of the factors that determine the level of suffering endured by the victim. I believe that sexual abuse, which breaches the most personal and sacred boundaries has the greatest impact of all,

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some sections of society are more vulnerable to sexual abuse

Family members should be aware of the signs and symptoms of sexual abuse of their elderly relatives. These include being withdrawn, reporting sexual assault, and venereal disease or genital infections. Unexplained genital or anal bleeding, torn, stained or bloody underclothing, and bruises around the breasts or genitals, are also signs

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some segments of society suffer frequent sexual abuse

Certain segments of the population are more vulnerable to sexual abuse. These include prisoners (male and female), homeless women, disabled women, elderly women, and female sex workers (prostitutes). Prisoners are in a powerless situation, and are often preyed upon by those in power. Many have suffered sexual abuse prior to

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sexual controllers are not interested in the needs of their victims

The abuser’s sexual and power needs, as he envisages them, are all important, and the needs of the victim are sidelined. Sometimes victims are forced to watch pornography as a pretext for learning sexual practices to satisfy the abusers’ ‘needs’. Abusers sometimes force victims to become involved in pornographic videos

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Sexual abuse is not just about rape

Many people think that the only type of sexual abuse is rape. But, it is far more complex, and includes any form of non-consensual sexual contact or non-touching sexual behaviour. It also encompasses unwanted sexual language or exploitative behaviour. It includes rape, molestation, sexual assault, and any sexual behaviour with

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Sometimes victims do not realise that they are being abused or controlled

Another minority group vulnerable to emotional abuse is people who suffer from disabilities. For example, the refusal of admittance of a physically disabled student to college, because of inadequate facilities, might be seen as emotional abuse. The victim feels powerless against the institution. Breda Gleeson writes of a case where

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