Blog Archives

Counselling is necessary to get rid of the controlling impulse

Counselling, of course, is expensive and you may not be able to afford private counselling, but you can avail of free mental health counselling services under the aegis of the HSE, which will also help you deal with any mental health problems as well. Addiction counselling services are provided through

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Posted in abuse, changing your abusive behaviour, controlling personality
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sexual abuse of any type should never be minimised or condoned

All abuse has a damaging impact on victims. The type, extent, and duration of the abuse are some of the factors that determine the level of suffering endured by the victim. I believe that sexual abuse, which breaches the most personal and sacred boundaries has the greatest impact of all,

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, sexual abuse
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Emotional abusers can be subtle in how they control you

One of my friends, who lived in a remote area, suffered an insidious form of emotional abuse when her abuser was rarely home early, because he worked such long hours. This is a particularly effective and disempowering form of emotional abuse, if the victim is a mother without a babysitter

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, psychological/emotional abuse
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There is no point hoping that your abusive partner will change

Your own behaviours may also indicate that you are being abused. Do you feel muzzled or fearful of expressing your opinions to your partner? Do you feel emotionally unsafe, insecure, and vulnerable? Do you doubt your own judgments and capabilities? Are you afraid to speak to others about your relationship?

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Posted in abuse, controlling personality, verbal abuse
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You cannot please a verbal abuser

As they struggle in confusion, victims often form a false set of beliefs, such as believing that they might appease the abusers if they were better at articulating what they wished to say. Abusers reinforce these false beliefs by convincing them that they are incapable of understanding, and that if

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The abusive personality neutralises feelings of guilt.

Thankfully, elder abuse is generally no longer occurring under the radar, although another common type of physical abuse is rarely mentioned. It is the abuse and intimidation of entire families in a social setting. ‘Neighbours from hell’ are master abusers, and intimidate, for example, by pulling shrubs, invading property, kicking

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Domestic violence is extensive but rarely reported

Thangam Debbonaire’s extensive study of battering programmes in Ireland shows that there were 10,248 recorded incidents of domestic violence reported to the police in 2002, and only a minority of these resulted in a court conviction. The 2010 MEND (Men Ending Domestic Abuse) report holds that 15% of women and

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, domestic violence
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Physical abuse is the most recognisable of the different types of abuse

Physical Abuse I see the snarling ghost of anger Breathe his fiery breath into my fearful face. Fetid, I feel the hurt as angry hand Violates my precious self And cower as angry foot Inflicts its hurt. And tremble as savage eyes Penetrate my soul. How to keep the savage

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, domestic violence, physical abuse
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He flaunted his mistresses in public

Not only did Stephen bring his mistresses to the family home, he eventually flaunted them in public, causing Linda immense pain. It was a public symbol of abandonment, a flagrant sense of entitlement, and a sign of total irresponsibility as a husband and father. It filled her with confusion as

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, domestic violence, narcissistic personality
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abusive people are often unfaithful

The abuser is needy, and, ironically, the charmer is more often than not a womaniser, who has many affairs. Linda’s husband was a serial adulterer, and did not hesitate to use the family home for some of his affairs. She became aware of his infidelity when he brought an ex-partner

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