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It’s hard to shake old feelings for an abusive ex-partner

Despite her initial reservation about her husband, Linda found herself being drawn into the web again “In the meantime, my mind was playing havoc along with my feelings. I was beginning to ponder over the thought “had he changed,” and had life experiences in travelling changed his perception on things,

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It can shock you when you try to move on but find your feelings for your partner returning

The fourth task of grieving is to emotionally relocate the lost partner and move on. You will reconcile conflicting emotions, realise that you will not forget the relationship experience, good and bad, and experience the relief of leaving an abusive environment and travelling the road to peace and, hopefully, love.

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grieving when an abusive relationship is over

You, too, may have to grieve the loss of a caring partner, and you move on to mourn the loss of self-esteem, of personal integrity, of relationship, of intimacy, of friends, of control, of safety, of personal meaning, of a father/mother to your children. You mourn the loss of your

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There are many ways of practising self-care

Emotional self-care entails being with people you like and enjoy, praising and affirming yourself, playing with children, looking at comedies, and allowing your feelings. Spiritual self-care is about spending time with nature, being open to inspiration, cherishing optimism and hope, meditating, praying, singing, feeling awe, and reading inspirational literature. Her

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Her experience was a long hard journey for Linda

I think that the creative use of a journal is also a powerful psychological aid to self-care. It can be your ‘creative journal’ for your art, poetry, and narrative. I used poetry when I was going through bereavement following the death of my child. You do not have to be

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Self-care is vital when you leave an abusive relationship

As well as a safety plan, you should also have an uncomplicated survival/recovery plan. A safety plan means external safety, a survival/recovery plan means having a measure of internal security. When you consider the debilitating effects of abuse, and how you are almost owned by the perpetrators, you probably realise

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As a survivor you may suffer harrassment and stalking

One of the most malignant post-separation control methods is stalking and harassing the survivor. Stalking is illegal in most developed countries, and is a pattern of behaviour with intent to instil fear. It often goes on for several years and it can demoralise you and make your life a misery.

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There are different ways to keep you safe when you leave an abusive relationship

Linda was fortunate in that she had never lost contact with her parents. Her father was particularly supportive “My father came to me one day, and said that he had got an interview for me with his colleague in my hometown, if I was interested. I look back now and

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You will meet the challenges of separating from an abusive partner.

Initially you needed to create a safety plan to make the world a more secure place. Previously you lived in an unsafe place, and now you bring about a physical and psychological distance from the abuser, to reclaim yourself, regain your power and identity, and dispel the confusion created by

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You will recover and build a new life if you leave an abusive situation

Despite the trepidation, the questions and the fear that you feel, you will survive the abuse, recover and re-experience independence, happiness and peace. Part of our work as humans is to integrate our suffering, as we strive for happiness. We have the capacity, irrespective of apparently insurmountable obstacles, to create

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