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A feeling of incompetence can lead to the controlling impulse

We have been looking at incompetence in the last blog. Unfortunately, it has been shown that feeling incompetent is one of the drivers for power and control, the basis for bullying. As the carrier of shame and a feeling of defectiveness, it drives the human to present a capable front

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Incompetence is crippling and is an adjunct of fear of failure

If you suffer from a fear of failure, an exploration of your childhood role in the family might point to another root. Sometimes there is a natural order in these roles. Generally speaking, every member of a family has particular roles. The eldest child is normally the star or the

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Teachers should ensure that their students are thoroughly instructed to ensure a feeling of competency in later life

Since parents are responsible for their children’s formation, including educational development, there is a lesson to be learned from the discussion in the last blog to ensure that the direction need is met. Most children must develop slowly in terms of learning, otherwise there is always a sense of unfinished

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A feeling of incompetency pervades our thinking and behaviour

If you are not shown how to do things you may feel defective and a fraud, even if your achievements are noteworthy. The uninformed inner child binds you and you become afraid of change, avoiding new opportunities to enrich and give more meaning to your life. Petrúska Clarkson, who writes

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If our dependency needs are not met, in adult life our inner child is crippled by fear

Jason continues his story about his crippling anxiety The course started and, unfortunately, old habits started to rear their head again when preparatory course assignments started. I started to skip some of the work that we were to do, and contributed nothing. I was lucky that the workload was small

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Jason’s fear of failure was utterly debilitating

If we examine the fear of failure that Jason, the case study in the book, harboured, you will see that his was paralysing. Unlike my fear, it was evident and palpable and clearly in his awareness as he prepared for two interviews in preparation for his professional training. He found

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People with fear of failure do not like unfamiliarity.

One of the links between both the incidents referred to in the last blog was novelty and unfamiliarity. They were both situations that I had never experienced before, and in that connection fear of failure can be linked to social fear and toxic shame. But, there are also other lessons

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My own fear of failure inhibited me although I was unaware of it

The first example of my fear of failure happened in 1979. As I mentioned in the last blog I was unaware until recently what my difficulty was. I had graduated from University College Cork with a Ph. D in History and shortly afterwards a position as a History lecturer in

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Fear of failure stems from an innate feeling of being defective, a childhood wound.

You can either learn fear of failure, or it becomes engendered in you through neglectful parenting. I believe that fear of failure comes from a core feeling of not being good enough, which is turn stems from a child’s feeling of being unloved, and perhaps being overtly or covertly criticised.

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Fear of failure is a core issue that inhibits our instinct for achieving.

Failure in the context of fear is not what it seems to those who are fortunate to have had a secure attachment to parents and, therefore, are blessed with high self-esteem. They see it as no more than negative circumstances from which they learn and move on. It is a

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