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Shaming children leaves a lasting impact and gives them core shame which they bring into adult life

Shaming remarks made to children under twelve have a more drastic and permanent impact that can become core because, like parents, teachers spend a lot of time with them, and the frequency of these remarks is a key element in laying the crop of shame. A combination of parental and

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Shaming others is horrible and can be seen in many institutions including school

One of the hidden ingredients that foment anger in school is rarely mentioned – being shamed. Shame sometimes forms part of the anger jigsaw, and hierarchical institutions are breeding grounds for it. I have observed this poisonous ingredient as a teacher and Principal for over thirty years, and as a

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7 steps programme for toxice shame continued

Redefine your problem, leaving out shame as an issue. The following questions may help in redefining: how insurmountable is this problem from your childhood? Is this problem interpersonal or intrapersonal? Can you help in setting aside the shame to resolve the problem? Is this your problem or another’s? Are you

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toxic shame

In the last post I looked at the 12 step programme as applied to toxic shame by John Bradshaw. Now I will share with you the 7 step programme outlined by James J. Messina and Constance M. Messina. 1. This stipulates that the best way to overcome shame is to

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dealing with unhealthy/toxic shame (contd.)

As I examine these it strikes me that step 5 was the most powerful one in my combat with my shame. I got my wife and my children to write about how I had wronged and shamed them. What they wrote was each sealed in a separate envelope. I gave

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Dealing with toxic shame (contd.)

To makes a ‘searching and fearless’ moral inventory of ourselves. This involves writing the inventory, and thus we come out of hiding, and show ourselves and our humanness. It is about looking at our behaviours and our wrong doings so that we can explore remedying them.  To admit to God,

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how to deal with toxic shame

There are some effective and practical ways to overcome toxic shame. Some psychologists have devised programmes to help the sufferer.  Today I will summarise some of Bradshaw’s 12 step programme as applied to shame (bearing in mind that shame is the source of much addiction). The programme is simple to

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unhealthy shame

Since toxic shame splits us, and we love the good side and despise the shadow side, it is essential to arrive at the situation where we love our whole selves, and feel this love as well as think it. Nevertheless we should use positive self-talk to affirm our love in

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unhealthy shame (continued)

I have great faith in the unsent letter setting out the client’s unmet needs as a child, (the client writes these needs as if he were a child). It is important, also, to express our feelings about being abandoned (emotionally neglected), and not being allowed to separate properly from our

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unhealthy shame

In a sense, this sums up much of the work that needs to be done to confront toxic shame. It gives no idea of how painful it is, however. Let us now look at what the literature says about healing toxic shame. Bradshaw is probably the best source on this.

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