Blog Archives

low self-esteem the core of fear of abandonment

From the previous blog you can see from what Nancy says that her core issue is low self-esteem. If she had high self-esteem she would not compare herself unfavourably with other women. She would feel good enough and they would not be a threat. You can see that she even

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The three selves. The real self, the false self and the invented self.

Before examining fear in more detail it might be helpful to understand the difference between emotion and feeling, because this book is about feeling rather than emotion. From the primary emotions spring secondary feelings. For example, shame and embarrassment can come from sadness, and jealousy can come from anger or

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Fear of Abandonment

Fear of Abandonment Toxic fear is a widespread reality and is a chronic condition that fills you with constant negativity, and, as Peg Hanafin writes in her book, Thoughts for your Journey, it is destructive and paralysing. Moreover, it is bad for your heart and blood pressure. Frequent fear pumps

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To change your abusive personality you must first acknowledge that you are abusive and take responsibility

When you have told and discussed your stories, you should begin the healing process, as discussed in the last blog. This means sitting down, and acknowledging and taking responsibility for your part in the abusive relationship. Listen to each other’s unconditional admission without interruption and without becoming defensive. Both of

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Welcoming our distresses is necessary and healing

One of the principal aspects preventing rehabilitation, and possibly forgiveness, is the presence of rage and anger. This anger is justified and must be vented, but, for the sake of our mental health, we must eventually let it go. Some of the techniques mentioned might help, but developing self-empathy is

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Counselling helps you to understand what abuse really means

In the safe setting of counselling, you should be able to safely deal with the emotional impact of the abuse, and with thinking distortions, behavioural patterns, the spiritual losses, and loss in general. Feelings of shame, worthlessness, powerlessness, confusion, fear, and so on must be explored. The confusion that abuse

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The Jekyl and Hyde nature of the controlling person keeps the other partner in the relationship

Religious beliefs and personal values are very powerful influences in shaping the decision to stay. St Paul did women no favours in his concept of female subservience to men, who may have been conditioned by the Pauline teaching to see themselves as being the authority figures. On the other hand,

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Cathal and I would have been very good friends

I have a strong feeling that Cathal and I would have been very good friends, and I feel a great loss in that also. In losing my child and my would-be friend, part of me has died. I have grieved losing part of myself, of seeing some of my characteristics

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Anger and Misery

I was also enraged when a letter arrived addressed to Cathal. I opened it and discovered it was a bill from the hospital for the ambulance. I wrote an angry letter to the person who sent the bill. Now I am sorry that I did so. It must have greatly

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The First Few Weeks

For the moment, however, we had to begin our journey of recovery as best we could. Our neighbours were at hand for the first few days. They had been immensely helpful, bringing food, making sure that those who came were fed, and generally keeping us company. I had the idea

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