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Home Directions Contact Jim O’Shea Counselling Call me on 087 8211 009 Home Approach Publications Blog Facilities Directions Contact . Dealing with loss during the Covid 19 epidemic. Anger as a feeling of loss Posted on April 27, 2020 by Jim Dealing with Loss Last week I looked at some

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The constant need for approval is crippling. It comes from parental lack of affection for the child

The need for approval is a deep and hurtful wound from childhood. I was driven by the need for approval. As a Principal, I needed approval from the students, the staff, the parents, the Board of Management, the Department of Education, the townspeople and the trustees! And my perfectionism was

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The need for approval is a painful wound from childhood and prevents us being truly happy

In the last blog we have been looking at perfectionism. The subconscious desire to be good enough is a parallel, but connected, treadmill to perfectionism promoting fear of failure. It has many roots, and the behaviour is a never ending drive to please others. The greater your fear of failure

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Perfectionism is often misunderstood.

There is an ironic component of incompetency that you also need to be aware of, which has been well addressed in the literature. Since this secret world harbours a deep sense of shame, it also brings the curse of pathological perfectionism. Research shows that a high level of perfectionism is

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Toxic jealousy is difficult to eradicate

Toxic Jealousy is complex and obsessional. Any obsession is consuming. When we are obsessed we cannot interact properly with others and we certainly cannot make any emotional connection with them. It stifles our creativity and our spirituality, kills our souls and fills us with paranoia and depressive thoughts. Obsessional thinking

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low self-esteem the core of fear of abandonment

From the previous blog you can see from what Nancy says that her core issue is low self-esteem. If she had high self-esteem she would not compare herself unfavourably with other women. She would feel good enough and they would not be a threat. You can see that she even

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The three selves. The real self, the false self and the invented self.

Before examining fear in more detail it might be helpful to understand the difference between emotion and feeling, because this book is about feeling rather than emotion. From the primary emotions spring secondary feelings. For example, shame and embarrassment can come from sadness, and jealousy can come from anger or

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Fear of Abandonment

Fear of Abandonment Toxic fear is a widespread reality and is a chronic condition that fills you with constant negativity, and, as Peg Hanafin writes in her book, Thoughts for your Journey, it is destructive and paralysing. Moreover, it is bad for your heart and blood pressure. Frequent fear pumps

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To change your abusive personality you must first acknowledge that you are abusive and take responsibility

When you have told and discussed your stories, you should begin the healing process, as discussed in the last blog. This means sitting down, and acknowledging and taking responsibility for your part in the abusive relationship. Listen to each other’s unconditional admission without interruption and without becoming defensive. Both of

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Welcoming our distresses is necessary and healing

One of the principal aspects preventing rehabilitation, and possibly forgiveness, is the presence of rage and anger. This anger is justified and must be vented, but, for the sake of our mental health, we must eventually let it go. Some of the techniques mentioned might help, but developing self-empathy is

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