shame based people have many undesirable characteristis, which are a burden to them, and very damaging in a relationship.
- Perfectionism is a heavy burden. Bradshaw says that it comes from expectations by parents from their children whereby they are only valued for doing. That may be true, but that is not why I experienced it. To me it is a means of protecting oneself from the pain of shame. The bottom line is that we cannot be blamed if we are perfect. But, despite superhuman efforts we are never good enough, and are eternally driven to achieve more. The perfectionist hates being compared to others, and competes as hard as he can with others. He is not content to do his best, but judges himself against others.
- Power and control. Being in power means that one has the best means of controlling others, as well as controlling our thoughts, feelings, actions and expressions. We cannot be shamed if we hold the power, we feel less vulnerable, and unfortunately we cannot form an intimate bond with another.
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