It is helpful to consider the irrational train of thought of your jealous partner and the behaviour that follows from this. You will, for example, notice the irony of how he tries to make you jealous. This comes from his fear of abandonment and this behaviour is one of the key elements of toxic jealousy. Its main purpose is to make him feel better and is rather like how such people dispense shame and spew it onto others. It is an infallible sign of his low self-esteem. For a moment this makes jealous people feel good, they feel that they are loved and good enough. This feeling does not last for long and the provocation continues. It is a continuous probing to test the other, and fits with the tendency of jealous people to ask on a regular basis if their partners love them. Realise, too, that infidelity is often part of the jealous person’s arsenal, and unlike others they feel no remorse for it. Many, but not all, are unscrupulous in inflicting hurt. Those who do not inflict hurt are carrying adult separation anxiety, discussed earlier. If your partner is unfaithful you will be angry and jealous. This jealousy is reactive and normal. As you consider the infidelity it is important to erect appropriate boundaries. These boundaries may stretch to leaving the relationship. You may find that mistrust has been created by the infidelity, and if you decide to leave it is important not to bring that to other relationships. While your mistrust is justified and understandable in relation to the ex-partner it can be damaging to new relationships.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
