Dealing with toxic shame (contd.)
- To makes a ‘searching and fearless’ moral inventory of ourselves. This involves writing the inventory, and thus we come out of hiding, and show ourselves and our humanness. It is about looking at our behaviours and our wrong doings so that we can explore remedying them.
- To admit to God, to ourselves and to another human the exact nature of our wrongdoing. This is coming out of hiding, and talking about our shame (wrongdoing). By letting another person see how bad we have been prevents any pretence or cover up.
- To be fully ready to have God remove all these defects of character. We are now acknowledging our weakness and humanity, and rejecting grandiosity.
- To humbly ask God to remove these defects. We now know that we can be helped, and so we can grow and change. It is also an acknowledgement of our weakness.
- To make a list of all the persons we had harmed, and to be willing to make amends to them.
- To make direct amends to these people if possible.
- To continue to take personal inventory, and when wrong to immediately admit it. This keeps us in touch with our healthy shame, and helps us to be conscious of the fact that we are human and will make mistakes.
- To seek through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, (as we understand God).
- Having had a spiritual awakening following these steps, to try to make this message available to other and to practice the above principles in our behaviours. It is a case of practising what we preach.