Parental relationships may be affected in various ways. A child’s death will be disruptive to a relationship, but not necessarily destructive. The death may sharpen previous differences between parents, if any existed. The emotional emptiness and loss of energy can lead to a decrease in sexual intimacy. The same decrease may not be similar in the case of both parents, and this can lead to harmony. Sometimes the grief of parents is so great that it affects their ability to parent their other children. If parents find any type of distress difficult they may not have the resources to look after their other children and cope with their own needs.
Sometimes parents give the name of the dead child to a new baby, and this can hinder the new child from forging their own identity. Replacement expectation simply adds to the pain of the bereavement. Every child is unique and irreplaceable.
A further reason for different grief responses is the type of child death; for example a child may be an adult, and I have seen aged parents mourning the sudden death of their 50-year-old son. Such parents may feel that they have lost a friend as well as a child.
At the other end of the scale there are cot deaths, miscarriages, stillbirths, and abortions. With regard to infant/cot death the unique grieving experience is complicated by the suddenness of an apparently healthy infant dying, and by the possible guilt and blame arising from the fact that the cause of such deaths may be unknown. This can lead to prolonged search for the reason of the death. Parents may be conscious of suspicion within the family or among neighbours of neglect on their part.
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