JIM O'SHEA
Counselling Service

Latest Posts from Jim's Counselling Blog....

Birds and wild creatures mean a lot to me

The year 1990 passed and it was such a relief when it finally came to an end. I always had a habit on New Year’s Eve of jokingly saying to Mary that the next year would bring much luck and prosperity. It was a feel-good thought. I had said the same on New Year’s Eve, [...]

Posted on 19 May 2013 | 1:00 pm

Badminton Helped Us

The only relief I really got was how well Mary seemed to be coping, although she does not fully agree that she was coping well. I feel, nevertheless, that she greatly understates her distress in her journal. She noted how she felt three months after his death: I have to say that I don’t feel [...]

Posted on 12 May 2013 | 6:47 pm

We tried to find normality in an unreal world

I looked longingly at the happy faces of the children and their parents, and sadly at the pain-filled faces of Mary and Deirdre. I felt I had to get away from this happy scene. I did not envy those fortunate parents, but their merriment and enjoyment only increased my sense of loss. Still, we did [...]

Posted on 5 May 2013 | 10:43 am

In the Glen of Aherlow

There was no discernable escape from our sadness during the first year. We made every effort to cope as best we could and began to go out more in an effort to distract ourselves from our pain. One Sunday we decided to go to the Glen of Aherlow with its beautiful scenery. We sat on [...]

Posted on 26 April 2013 | 9:23 pm

Dotty our beloved dog dies

Dotty’s heart was failing, and we took her to the vet hoping that something might be done. The vet, however, advised that she be put asleep. Bill was only four when we got Dotty, and, like the rest of the family, has a great love of animals. He came to town with us that evening, [...]

Posted on 19 April 2013 | 10:00 pm

The Dog outlives our child

I am an avid reader, but in that first month I was unable to read. I have never read fiction since. I always loved fiction before our tragedy, but the reality of death was so brutal and so absolute that I find it difficult to enjoy fiction to this day. Reality is what matters to [...]

Posted on 13 April 2013 | 2:09 pm

it is painful to look at the album

Around this time I felt that it would be appropriate to put together an album of photographs of Cathal. I gathered over seventy photographs, and found it unbearable to look at them. They brought my child to life again, but only on paper. The first photograph shows him as a baby in his little white [...]

Posted on 8 April 2013 | 10:48 am

struggling to function

I had also forgotten that I had applied to examine the oral Irish for the Leaving Certificate, which was held about a month after Cathal’s death. I was shocked when I got the letter of appointment from the Department, and I worried about Bill doing the examination so soon after the death of his brother. [...]

Posted on 6 April 2013 | 1:03 pm

Physical Ailments from the Stress of Bereavement

I began to experience somatic symptoms from the stress of my bereavement. The skin peeled off my hands, and one evening at tea I felt a tightening of my chest. I was convinced that I was going to have a heart attack. I could feel my breath shortening. I went to my doctor, who was [...]

Posted on 30 March 2013 | 2:39 pm

the month’s mind

The first public reminder we had of Cathal’s death was the month’s mind. I found it hard to believe that a full month had passed. The intensity of the pain of loss had not subsided. I made arrangements for the month’s mind with my disbelief as strong as ever. I listened to the priest’s introductory [...]

Posted on 24 March 2013 | 10:59 am