JIM O'SHEA
Counselling Service

Latest Posts from Jim's Counselling Blog....

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family. (available at Veritas or Amazon)

Sometimes I remember him as I pass the crossroads where he was killed. At one stage I contemplated putting up a cross where he died. I wanted people to remember what had happened. I wanted people to know that we had lost a child.  I actually received permission from the County Manager to do so. This thinking soon changed. As [...]

Posted on 30 August 2010 | 10:26 am

unhealthy shame

Since toxic shame splits us, and we love the good side and despise the shadow side, it is essential to arrive at the situation where we love our whole selves, and feel this love as well as think it. Nevertheless we should use positive self-talk to affirm our love in ourselves. As we heal through [...]

Posted on 30 August 2010 | 10:20 am

when a child dies. footsteps of a grieving family (book available from veritas or amazon

So now when people ask me if it is possible to get over the death of a child, my response is that it is not, but that the surviving parents and siblings can be peaceful and happy. That is how I am. I am happy, and have peace of mind. But I think of Cathal almost every day, even [...]

Posted on 23 August 2010 | 11:49 am

unhealthy shame (continued)

I have great faith in the unsent letter setting out the client’s unmet needs as a child, (the client writes these needs as if he were a child). It is important, also, to express our feelings about being abandoned (emotionally neglected), and not being allowed to separate properly from our primary carer. As adults we [...]

Posted on 23 August 2010 | 11:45 am

when a child dies. footsteps of a grieving family. (veritas publications, 2008)

People say that one never gets over the death of a child. I never wanted to believe this. It is possible to get over many losses, and I thought that the loss of a child was no exception. This thought, in a sense, was a burden. This burden was lifted one day when a psychotherapist [...]

Posted on 16 August 2010 | 8:47 pm

unhealthy shame

In a sense, this sums up much of the work that needs to be done to confront toxic shame. It gives no idea of how painful it is, however. Let us now look at what the literature says about healing toxic shame. Bradshaw is probably the best source on this. He tells us that the first [...]

Posted on 16 August 2010 | 8:43 pm

when a child dies. Footsteps of a grieving family. Veritas (2008)

The book shows what happened and how we experienced it. Writing the book has been a more painful experience than I anticipated, and I hope it will help my family as well as others who read it. Although I am the author, every member of the family has contibuted. Their written accounts show how differently people grieve. Some of my family [...]

Posted on 12 August 2010 | 4:00 pm

unhealthy shame

It is comforting to know that toxic shame can be healed to a large extent; but one must always be watchful and aware. It generally requires a fairly long series of counselling sessions to adequately deal with it.I spent many hours exploring my childhood, relationships with my parents, the influence of the Catholic Church on [...]

Posted on 12 August 2010 | 3:57 pm

WHEN A CHILD DIES. FOOTSTEPS OF A GRIEVING FAMILY. PUBLISHED BY VERITAS (2008)

As part of my counselling training I did considerable research on grief and bereavement for my thesis. Some of the material I read was entirely academic, explaining the feelings of grief, and the tasks of grieving; others had a more human touch and were a celebration of the deceased. When I wrote my thesis I combined the two, but it [...]

Posted on 25 July 2010 | 3:33 pm

toxic shame

Mark Brandenburg offers good advice on how to protect our children from our shame. He advises us to know our history of shame, and how it may be triggered by our children. Being on guard for these triggers helps us to avoid responding to them. Be aware of your child’s reaction to shame, and reconnect [...]

Posted on 25 July 2010 | 3:29 pm