For the next few weeks I want to look at a fear many of us have- fear of failure. All the issues I write about in this blog stem from an insecure attachement during childhood. In other words, they are all attachment issues and result from a failure in parenting. We only need to be good enough parents and as I said that means meeting the dependency needs of our children – love, affection, attention and direction.
Fear of failure is one of the most debilitating types of fear coming from an insecure attachment. Petrúska Clarkson in her book, The Achilles Syndrome. Overcoming the Secret Fear of Failure, rightly calls it a secret fear. It is closely related to social fear, although you may notice when a person has social fear, but fear of failure can be hidden behind a confident front. The invented self can conceal it well. It is insidious, because you may not even be aware that you have it, since you are so busy making excuses and dodging good opportunities that you fail to notice your invisible but powerful shackles. Apart from avoidance, this fear operates almost in a subconscious way, although it manifests itself as an irritating reluctance to grasp opportunities, or in everyday life to get things done. Such procrastination is an infallible guide to fear of failure. The procrastinator will put off important tasks and busy himself with other less important things. When I set time for writing I will first tidy my desk, hoover the office, cruise the internet, make a cup of coffee and then reluctantly begin writing. My fear of failure is mild, but it was severe long ago and my procrastination is residual from that time. One of the best ways to deal with procrastination is to make a list of tasks that need to be done. There is always a list on my kitchen table. I might spend a week ignoring it, but eventually it provokes me to act. Crossing off one item gives an impetus to tackle the next job. It is best to make this a priority list. The list is never completed because new tasks continually arise, so the list is a life line for the procrastinator.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
