Frequency is the key word to bring about brain change, so you may need to use the SOS technique first thing in the morning to set a positive tone for the day, not just regarding jealousy but in relation to fear and any negativity that you create through your irrational thinking. That shifting from the negative to the positive brings you an empowering gift that allows you to create the kind of day that nourishes you, rather than one that shrivels your spirit.
Looking at it another way, jealousy is being over-sensitised to your partner’s relationships and behaviours with others. Desensitise yourself to this and your jealousy threshold will heighten. Desensitisation is part of exposure therapy, which will be looked at later when dealing with social fear. The more you allow yourself to be exposed to your partners absence or interaction with others the greater the chance you have of blunting your feelings of jealousy. You can control jealous behaviour, and one way to do this is to pretend that you are a non-jealous person and behave as such. Again, frequency is important in installing this behaviour in your brain. This behavioural technique can have the same result as exposure therapy and with practice you will come to see yourself as a non-jealous person. Remember that your partner chose to be with you. She could have chosen someone else, but she is sticking with you despite your painfully possessive behaviour. That shows how much she loves you. Keep reminding yourself that she does not share your opinion that you are not good enough.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE