More than anything else, I believe that it is emotionally abusive to portray God as a punitive father. Fear is one of the hallmarks of abuse, and negative and forceful preaching that arouses fear in a congregation is spiritual abuse. I think it is also emotionally abusive to ridicule a person’s faith. This can be done in a jocular way, but is deeply uncomfortable for the victim. Linda experienced this from an early stage in her relationship
“One thing, however, that used to bug me during the good part of our relationship was that he used to mock me for my faith. I would pray at night before I go to sleep and he could never understand it – he used say “there is nothing after this life. What are you praying for? You die and that’s the end of you”. But I used to tell him, “that’s your opinion I believe differently”. However, over time I did leave my faith behind. I guess I was so carried away in my brilliant life that I forgot all about it.”
While emotional abuse is prevalent among all classes in society, some sections of the population are more vulnerable. For example, a culture of ageism promotes elder abuse. Elderly people suffer more emotional abuse than any other group. They often face discrimination because of race, disability, and infirmity. The old saying ‘once a man, twice a child’ is a philosophy that effortlessly leads to humiliation. Abusers use emotional blackmail by continuously blaming older people, who become confused and guilty. Their lack of physical strength and diminished mental capacities leave them exposed to abuse. Abusers easily harass them by calling them names, cursing and insulting them, ridiculing them, and threatening to isolate them. They can render them silent by threats of punishment or abandonment. They shout at them and threaten the withdrawal of ‘affection’, and deny them their rights.
Some of the worst and most widespread types of emotional abuse are directed toward minority groups; for example, gay people are frequent targets for every type of abuse. In the 1950s, extreme homophobia forced some gay people in Britain to try to change their sexual orientation. Some even suffered electric shock treatment to become heterosexual. Only in the 1980s was homosexuality declassified as a mental ‘disorder’ by psychiatrists. There is little recognition of homosexuality in some countries, where sexuality in general is taboo.
So consistent has been the emotional abuse of homosexuals throughout the ages, that some gay people have internalised homophobia, and feel ashamed of their sexual orientation. This deep shame is destructive to self-esteem, identity and close relationships. It leads to distrust and withdrawal from social contact.
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
ABUSE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DEATH OF A CHILD