We have been looking at incompetence in the last blog. Unfortunately, it has been shown that feeling incompetent is one of the drivers for power and control, the basis for bullying. As the carrier of shame and a feeling of defectiveness, it drives the human to present a capable front as a means of avoiding criticism and gaining praise. I was surprised to read this from research, but whatever its roots, becoming aware of your incompetency and understanding it are the initial steps in healing its impact and lessening your fear of failure. There is little enough written on it, but your understanding will be increased by reading the books of Clarkson and Kelsey. Your awareness and knowledge will allow you to admit that you are incompetent in some areas and proficient in others. This admission will come as a relief to you because you will be able to make sense of yourself and change. Trying to hide incompetency only increases the shame and the fear of being found out. Admitting that you cannot do something takes courage, but it means you are being real and it opens the door to learning and the more you learn and understand the more you grow and develop as a human being, and the less likely you will succumb to fear of failure. You will step out of the child’s shoes and see failure as a valuable lesson or a learning experience.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
