Antony and Swinson (2009) detail many strategies and exercises for dealing with pathological (unhealthy) meticulousness. Their initial advice is to assess the seriousness of the perfectionism. You can do this by checking for the main areas where the problem arises. From preceding chapters you will have guessed that the most practical way to do this is to keep a diary, which you can label your perfectionist journal. You can then more easily assess these areas that provoke this behaviour and look at triggers such as situations, people, or activities. You will see how high you set the bar, how this interferes with your life, and especially how it interferes with your relationships.
According to Antony and Swinson (2009) the diary will help you set realistic goals. Being a perfectionist, you may be tempted to set the bar too high, so keep your goals simple and specific. In doing this choose a few specific areas where you wish to tackle perfectionism. This might refer to your work where you spend too much time over planning or over preparing and, therefore, fall behind in your work. It might be about preparing an assignment where you spend innumerable hours writing, changing and checking, bringing on anxiety, or it might concern how you tend to be critical of others. The diary will also help you to recognise thinking that promote perfectionism. You will find that there are irrational beliefs behind the perfectionistic thinking that inevitably provoke anxiety. If you suffer from Ellis’s ‘musturbation’ you are probably perfectionistic. One of my clients, whose basic belief was that he must always please his boss, suffering severe anxiety as a result. He was perfectionistic and weighed down with shame as he struggled under an unreasonable workload, which made it impossible to satisfy his perfectionistic tendencies. It was a matter of changing the irrational thought to ‘I will try to please my boss if that is feasible’. It is essential and relatively easy for a perfectionist to make such a radical change. Look back at cognitive restructuring in the chapter on anger for further information on how to change your thoughts.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
