If those who are on the receiving end of passive aggression understand how it operates they can somehow distance themselves from the person who is causing them discomfort, perhaps even feel sadness for them, although this is not easily done. I find that some people who are subjected to passive aggressive behaviour often step into the child’s shoes and operate from there, becoming fearful or angry, confused and uncomfortable.
You can imagine how this type of insidious anger can be very damaging to employees. It creates a very unpleasant environment where co-operation and friendliness are damaged. Communication becomes hostile and the atmosphere is soured. One of my clients, Olive, wrote an unsent letter to her boss who was guilty of explosive and passive aggressive anger. This letter is in my book on abuse in the chapter on workplace bullying and is worth reading to see how a passive aggressive individual operates. This girl, who was college educated, had to ask permission to go to the toilet, and was fearful of taking her lunch break. She was afraid to take sick days and her life was a misery until she wisely decided to leave. It was a question of her health or her job. The office where she worked was filled with fear, favouritism, hypocrisy, and unspoken resentment. Friendliness, when it was shown, was false and soon turned to hostility. Psychologists argue that hostility is not necessarily the same as anger. Anger is an emotion, but hostility is a frame of mind, a rational or thinking concept that harbours enmity, blame, a desire to punish, and ill-will. Psychologists make the point that hostile people are capable of torturing others in a cold calculated way without any apparent feeling of anger. But, Olive’s boss was deeply angry, yet his hostile intention of getting rid of her to make way for a friend was cold and calculated.
Extract from Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. Publication 2018
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
CHILDHOOD DISTRESS
