Sexual Abuse
From soul-depth
Suffocated
By invasion- stench.
Nauseated
By skin-smell.
Shamed
By foul-destruction
Of self.
To tear skin off
Reveal bare bones
Scour flesh
To rid the sour taste
Of foul infection
Resting
Within soul.
Jim O’Shea
When I was a teenager in the Ireland of the 1960s, sex was as much on my mind as it is on the minds of teenagers today. But, it was a ‘dirty’ word then. I remember beads of perspiration on my forehead as I knelt in the confessional, and admitted to having entertained ‘unclean and impure thoughts’. I imagine that this was the experience in many countries at that time, and undoubtedly in earlier decades. The idea of sex being a healthy and loving aspect of our lives was marred. We did not see sex as a loving, giving behaviour, but discussed it furtively as a forbidden and sinful fruit. Our parents informed my friends and me that we were ‘found’ under ‘a head of cabbage’, and we knew nothing of the beautiful bond of sexual intercourse between man and woman that gave us life. This life-giving experience is precious. It is mutual, loving and consensual, and, therefore, I am convinced that sexual abuse, which is brutal and loveless, is a severe trauma.
Sexual abusers come from all classes and live ‘normal’ lives. Their tendencies may be concealed by charming personalities, wealth, professional status, and ‘respectability’. Professor Antonia Abbey and her colleagues outline the characteristics of the male sexual abuser hiding behind these masks. He is more hostile toward women than non-abusive men are. He is more likely to hold traditional stereotypes about gender. He takes the victim’s power, depersonalises them, and achieves dominance through abusive sexual behaviour.
The abusive personality can be applied as much to sexual abuse as to all other types. The sexual abuser seeks power and control through sexual means, but frequently the sexual abuse is accompanied by verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Sexual abusers see the use of force in relationships as acceptable, and have a strong sense of entitlement to sex. They do not believe that women have a right to say no. They do not admit that forcing a victim to have sex is rape. They perceive sex as a legitimate way to meet their needs, including their sense of satisfaction at bringing their partner to orgasm. They have no respect for their victims, and sex is not an emotionally satisfying experience for them because they see women as sex objects. Watching pornography that portrays the female as ravenous for sex and yearning to please her male partner only confirms this deviant opinion.
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD