SHAME

A further shaming rule, associated with perfectionism, is the absence of permission to make a mistake. Making a mistake is a sign of vulnerability to the shame based person. Vulnerability is a sign of strength, but the shamed person sees it as a sign of weakness that increased his shame. By all means use the mistake of others to shame them. By shaming them one protects oneself from the awful feeling of shame.

Blaming is another shame based rule in the toxically shamed family. Blaming others protects one from feeling shame. Toxically shame based families also stifle the full expression of any feeling, and makes its members hide true feelings, needs and wants. It creates a dysfunctional person of each member who struggles and do not know quite what the struggle is about.The shame based person protects himself from the pain of shame by spraying shame on others. It makes sense doesn’t it?  The more shaming rules there are in a family, the more protection the shamer has. The shamer is normally the most powerful person in the family. The shamed members of the dysfunctional family are incapable of forming warm, intimate relationships, they are filled with distrust, and envy and jealousy and control thrive in their midst.