Another minority group vulnerable to emotional abuse is people who suffer from disabilities. For example, the refusal of admittance of a physically disabled student to college, because of inadequate facilities, might be seen as emotional abuse. The victim feels powerless against the institution. Breda Gleeson writes of a case where a person with a disability, who was accompanied by his brother, was refused access to a bus, because the driver feared that safety might be jeopardised. The driver had power and the would-be passenger was powerless. It is emotional abuse when suitably qualified employees with disabilities are refused promotion in an organisation. People with disability are sometimes given emotionally abusive labels such as ‘retard’ for cognitive disability, or ‘dwarf’ for a person of short stature.
Beverly Engel’s excellent blog, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, rightly shows that most victims of emotional abuse do not realise they are being abused. They may wonder what is wrong with them as they are constantly criticised for minute aspects of their character. Confused and bewildered, they become full of self-doubt, and may blame themselves for the emotional vacuum in the relationship. Some women feel that if they were ‘better ‘wives, their husbands would respond to them and love them, but victims do not realise that abusers are unable to give emotional warmth, love, or understanding, but are adept at inflicting emotional neglect by withholding approval, appreciation and affection. Instead, they exhibit total indifference. This psychologically devastating combination leads to intense loneliness and frustration, and an erosion of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Victims disintegrate psychologically, as the abuser dismantles their emotional and psychological boundaries, in what is akin to brainwashing. Many victims become prisoners in their own homes. For Linda ‘it got to the stage in the end that I couldn’t even go shopping with a friend, because he would be on the phone asking when I was coming home, because he had some place to go’. Some victims in this state of emotional enslavement experience shame and fear. They become lost in a miasma of insecurity, guilt, and anxiety. Hidden emotional scars lead to withdrawal, relationships difficulties, and sometimes suicide.
Emotional abuse also has a physiological and behavioural impact leading to depression, sleeping problems, memory loss, and body aches. Victims experience a loss of trust, and some suffer from addictions, eating disorders, and panic attacks. In their efforts to avoid abuse, victims often alter their thoughts, feelings and behaviours, deny their needs, and some feel that they are going insane.
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
ABUSE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DEATH OF A CHILD
Sometimes victims do not realise that they are being abused or controlled
Posted in abuse, abusive personality, psychological/emotional abuse
Tags: abuse, psychological abuse
Tags: abuse, psychological abuse