Blog Archives

Welcoming our distresses is necessary and healing

One of the principal aspects preventing rehabilitation, and possibly forgiveness, is the presence of rage and anger. This anger is justified and must be vented, but, for the sake of our mental health, we must eventually let it go. Some of the techniques mentioned might help, but developing self-empathy is

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Controlling people pay little regard to court decisions.

Distress is also caused by some abusive partners manipulating the legal process as a means of control over the survivor. Some make excuses to postpone court hearings as a way to control. At one stage, Linda worried that Stephen would use his absence from Ireland as a means of delaying

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Importance of having good professional legal support

As you work your way through your losses, you may also be engaging in the process of legal separation, and counselling will help you make that sometimes long and painful journey. But, despite the reservations already made about the legal process, you will require the assistance of a good family

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There are pros and cons to confronting a person who abused you

There are many relaxation techniques that you might find useful in your repertoire of self-care. These include breathing exercises, stretching, meditation, yoga, guided meditation, mindfulness, prayer, listening to quiet music, and walking in a rural area. I often suggest to distressed people to create a personal space, where they can

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It’s hard to shake old feelings for an abusive ex-partner

Despite her initial reservation about her husband, Linda found herself being drawn into the web again “In the meantime, my mind was playing havoc along with my feelings. I was beginning to ponder over the thought “had he changed,” and had life experiences in travelling changed his perception on things,

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It can shock you when you try to move on but find your feelings for your partner returning

The fourth task of grieving is to emotionally relocate the lost partner and move on. You will reconcile conflicting emotions, realise that you will not forget the relationship experience, good and bad, and experience the relief of leaving an abusive environment and travelling the road to peace and, hopefully, love.

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grieving when an abusive relationship is over

You, too, may have to grieve the loss of a caring partner, and you move on to mourn the loss of self-esteem, of personal integrity, of relationship, of intimacy, of friends, of control, of safety, of personal meaning, of a father/mother to your children. You mourn the loss of your

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There are many ways of practising self-care

Emotional self-care entails being with people you like and enjoy, praising and affirming yourself, playing with children, looking at comedies, and allowing your feelings. Spiritual self-care is about spending time with nature, being open to inspiration, cherishing optimism and hope, meditating, praying, singing, feeling awe, and reading inspirational literature. Her

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Her experience was a long hard journey for Linda

I think that the creative use of a journal is also a powerful psychological aid to self-care. It can be your ‘creative journal’ for your art, poetry, and narrative. I used poetry when I was going through bereavement following the death of my child. You do not have to be

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Self-care is vital when you leave an abusive relationship

As well as a safety plan, you should also have an uncomplicated survival/recovery plan. A safety plan means external safety, a survival/recovery plan means having a measure of internal security. When you consider the debilitating effects of abuse, and how you are almost owned by the perpetrators, you probably realise

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