Blog Archives

Abusive people do not feel empathy, but they are responsible for their behaviour

As you slowly and painfully increase your understanding of what makes you abusive and how you control, you can begin your journey of making some amends to your victims. This means taking full responsibility for your abuse. No excuses! No minimisation! It was wrong. It hurt others. It was deliberate.

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Counselling is necessary to get rid of the controlling impulse

Counselling, of course, is expensive and you may not be able to afford private counselling, but you can avail of free mental health counselling services under the aegis of the HSE, which will also help you deal with any mental health problems as well. Addiction counselling services are provided through

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different ways to help an abusive person change

GROW is another worthwhile organisation where you can find support. It is a voluntary movement and does not have waiting lists. It, too, has branches all over Ireland, and, like AWARE, its main activity is the establishment of group meetings where any mental issues can be explored, and where the

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Welcoming our distresses is necessary and healing

One of the principal aspects preventing rehabilitation, and possibly forgiveness, is the presence of rage and anger. This anger is justified and must be vented, but, for the sake of our mental health, we must eventually let it go. Some of the techniques mentioned might help, but developing self-empathy is

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Posted in abuse, Leaving an abusive situation, Uncategorized
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Controlling people pay little regard to court decisions.

Distress is also caused by some abusive partners manipulating the legal process as a means of control over the survivor. Some make excuses to postpone court hearings as a way to control. At one stage, Linda worried that Stephen would use his absence from Ireland as a means of delaying

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Importance of having good professional legal support

As you work your way through your losses, you may also be engaging in the process of legal separation, and counselling will help you make that sometimes long and painful journey. But, despite the reservations already made about the legal process, you will require the assistance of a good family

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There are pros and cons to confronting a person who abused you

There are many relaxation techniques that you might find useful in your repertoire of self-care. These include breathing exercises, stretching, meditation, yoga, guided meditation, mindfulness, prayer, listening to quiet music, and walking in a rural area. I often suggest to distressed people to create a personal space, where they can

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It’s hard to shake old feelings for an abusive ex-partner

Despite her initial reservation about her husband, Linda found herself being drawn into the web again “In the meantime, my mind was playing havoc along with my feelings. I was beginning to ponder over the thought “had he changed,” and had life experiences in travelling changed his perception on things,

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It can shock you when you try to move on but find your feelings for your partner returning

The fourth task of grieving is to emotionally relocate the lost partner and move on. You will reconcile conflicting emotions, realise that you will not forget the relationship experience, good and bad, and experience the relief of leaving an abusive environment and travelling the road to peace and, hopefully, love.

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grieving when an abusive relationship is over

You, too, may have to grieve the loss of a caring partner, and you move on to mourn the loss of self-esteem, of personal integrity, of relationship, of intimacy, of friends, of control, of safety, of personal meaning, of a father/mother to your children. You mourn the loss of your

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