If there are children in an abusive household, I believe that it is imperative to leave. Some people, including some researchers, feel that it is best to leave children in an abusive parental relationship, than suffer the trauma of leaving and losing a parent. I do not agree with this
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Children should not be exposed to abuse in any household
While recognising why people remain in abusive relationships, I consider it unethical as a counsellor to support them over a long period in such a relationship. The role of the counsellor is for the well-being of his clients, and I think it is wrong to collude with them in remaining
women can be as abusive as men and deny them access to their children
Many of the factors mentioned in my last blog apply to male victims also. I have seen cases of severe emotional and physical abuse of males, who tell me that they endure it because they love the perpetrator. Men are as conscious of the wellbeing of their children as women
The Jekyl and Hyde nature of the controlling person keeps the other partner in the relationship
Religious beliefs and personal values are very powerful influences in shaping the decision to stay. St Paul did women no favours in his concept of female subservience to men, who may have been conditioned by the Pauline teaching to see themselves as being the authority figures. On the other hand,
you can be bonded to your abuser through trauma.
Each situation is different, but perhaps like many women you are financially dependent on your partner. It might be that you cannot afford to rent a house, and it is true that in many countries there may not be sufficient hostels or refuges for fleeing women and their children. The
Sexually abused children suffer distress in adulthood.
As we have seen when looking at boundaries, adolescence is a time of intense sexual change, and these normal changes become entangled with the impact of sexual abuse. Instead of being seen as normal, they are now infused with the shame that sexual abuse engenders in the adolescent. Emotional reactions
the pain of cutting is easier to bear than childhood emotonal pain
One of Steven Levenkron’s storytellers told him that cutting was like medicine for her fears, because the psychological pain of the abuse is greater than the pain of the mutilation. Cutting also gives the victim control over who inflicts the pain, in contrast to the powerlessness experienced when being raped.
cutting to relieve emotional pain
The child seeks love and gets abuse. It needs love, and gets cruelty. The child’s psyche withers in the barrenness of rejection, as it carries the fear created by its powerlessness and inability to defend its boundaries. Sexual abuse can bring on eating disorders, depression, suicidal thoughts, as well as
Child sexual abuse within families
Sexual abuse within the family (incest) is a hidden sickness, facilitated by isolation and threats. Mic Hunter classifies incestuous fathers in several ways. The most common type of abuser is the one who is dependent on his family to satisfy his sexual and emotional needs. This type is over-controlling and
abuse in sport
On a global level, clerical sexual abuse was not reined in, and paedophile priests were shifted from parish to parish, allowing them to continue their abuse. Ireland has been in the spotlight for the last few years, and the torturous efforts to bring closure to this unspeakable saga have brought