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Shame is burning and enters your soul

Shame is discussed at length in this book. If you become shame based from the behaviour of a shamed parent, you will be burned by criticism and take everything personally. When I was about thirteen I began to feel its burning touch. At that age I had no idea what

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Toxic Shame. Prevention is better than the cure (part 2)

  Children can be quite aggressive. This aggression is an inbuilt human condition, which may be called upon in later life, for example, to defend oneself. It is important for the parent not to feel threatened by their child’s aggressive impulses.  This does not mean that they are encouraging aggression,

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unhealthy shame

One of the key aspects in preventing toxic shame and rage is allowing your child to detach. As I have already mentioned, much has been written on attachment to the primary carer. Failure to detach and move to autonomy breeds core shame. It is important for the parent to allow

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Toxic Shame. Prevention is better than the cure.

  In a later post I hope to look at how toxic shame is healed, but first I would like to explore how children can be protected, and never have to carry its awful burden. Such prevention would ensure their peace of mind as adults and would stop the cross-

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UNHEALTHY SHAME

Lynn Namka outlines other characteristics based on fear within the shamed person. People who are toxically shamed try to hide. They are crucified by fear of self-exposure in such areas as sexual feelings and actions, aggressive behaviour that is against public standards, issues around bathroom functions, body odours and cleanliness.

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CHARACTERISTICS OF SHAME-BASED PEOPLE

Addictions and compulsive behaviours. This is too detailed to deal with here, and I recommend that anyone interested in it consult Bradshaw. An addiction kills our emotions, and dulls the pain of core shame. It is important to remember that there are many types of addictions and they all operate

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In my last contribution I have looked at some of the characteristics of shame-based people. Again, these may not always stem from shame. They are, however, a good guide for those who may be unaware that the discomfort they feel comes from being shamed to the core. Below are other

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CHARACTERISTICS OF SHAME BASED PEOPLE (CONTD.)

Rage. Some people suppress the rage that stems from being shamed to the core. This can easily turn to depression. Shame contaminates all feelings, except rage. Rage is the most powerful of all feelings. Rage is internalised and makes the person bitter, sarcastic, and negative. If the raging person has

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CHARACTERISTICS OF SHAME BASED PEOPLE

   shame based people have many undesirable characteristis, which are a burden to them, and very damaging in a relationship. Perfectionism is a heavy burden. Bradshaw says that it comes from expectations by parents from their children whereby they are only valued for doing. That may be true, but that is

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UNHEALTHY SHAME

Because core shame takes place at a very young age, before the child has formed any boundaries, and results in a loss of self-trust, the adult lacks judgement. How often have I heard clients say that they don’t understand why they have made stupid decisions. Such distrust of his basic

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