toxic shame over generations can be fuelled by family secrets. These may include suicides, addictions, incest, abortions, and other disasters. The closed family tries to keep them secret, and they create havoc in the family through the impact of the shame generated. Families automatically and subconsciously create defences to cope with this.
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toxic or unhealthy shame
I have looked at enmeshment as one powerful source of toxic shame. There are many others, and these are well illustrated by John Bradshaw. I have already briefly explored enmeshment by the primary carer, (normally the mother) as a source of toxic shame, and as the source that is most
toxic or unhealthy shame
Fundamentally being enmeshed means losing one’s identity. The child’s identity becomes entangled with that of the parent. The child cannot learn proper boundaries, and suffers a loss of self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from a strong sense of identity and separateness. The child who has been enmeshed may suffer from toxic shame
UNHEALTHY OR TOXIC SHAME
I am an only child, and I don’t wish to generalise, but I am convinced that only children are more susceptible to enmeshment than children from larger families. Maggie Mamen, who has written on the ‘Spoilt Child Syndrome’ might disagree with this. We often hear of such children being ‘spoiled’. The only
where does toxic shame come from?
I have shown that toxic shame means being shamed to the core, so that it permeates and pollutes all other feelings, except rage. Now I would like to explore how we can become toxically shamed. Generally such shame is sown in us in our early childhood, and is reinforced
Toxic or core shame
in my last few posts I briefly looked at healthy shame, and proposed that it is an important feeling that helps us with our behaviour, and reminds us that we are human and have deficiencies. Toxic shame, however, is an altogether different matter, and it is very widespread. Unfortunately we
healthy shame
Today I want to finish writing about healthy shame and on Monday I will begin looking at that great burden toxic shame, which one can have and not realise it. Childhood is the most vital part of our lives. We are formed in the first 3 years of our lives, and
we learn healthy shame
Hello everyone! I would like to continue with our exploration of healthy shame. Healthy shame is learned when we are children, from the very moment we open our eyes as tiny babies. If we are fortunate enough to be born into a peaceful, nurturing and caring home, then there is
The Value of Healthy Shame
I am trying to keep two topics going at the same time, grief and shame. Very different, but both very personal to me. I hope you will join with me in exploring them. It is important to understand the difference between healthy shame and guilt. Shame reminds us of our personal shortcomings,
understanding toxic or core shame and its impact
Toxic shame is one of the greatest destroyers of human happiness for those who suffer from it, and for those who are at the receiving end from shame-based individuals. Those who are shame-ridden are often unaware of it, and even if aware, are at a loss on how to deal