There is some disagreement among researchers about the triggers that spark jealousy from a gender perspective. Some sociobiologists, such as David Buss, theorise that jealousy is about male anger at the likelihood of losing the prospect to procreate if a female partner threatens to leave, and in his opinion it is an evolutionary reaction. Men also face uncertainty in terms of parenthood in the face of a real threat (unlike toxic jealousy where the threat is usually delusional). The woman knows she is the mother of the child, but the father cannot be certain, particularly if there is infidelity on the woman’s part. Buss calls it paternity uncertainty and Nancy Friday opines that a jealous man is protecting his self-esteem. These feelings and thoughts are magnified a thousand fold by toxic jealousy. Her work, Jealousy, is one of the most interesting books you can find, where she chronicles the constant struggle with the intensity of her feelings. She is, however, able to stand back and view her jealousy with some humour and irony.
The evolutionary exponents agree that men of all cultures are more likely to react jealously to sexual infidelity, while women are more affected by emotional infidelity because their investment in the relationship is more emotional. Others feel that female jealousy is inspired by feared loss of economic and other resources such as time, energy, wealth, emotional investment in children, responsibility, and loyalty provided by the male partner. The switching of emotional commitment to another male may be an indicator of this. Rebecca Allen, in a limited study, argues that while women are significantly more affected by emotional infidelity, they are also affected by sexual infidelity. She shows that culture has some impact on research outcome as well. This sounds more realistic, because some of the confusion arises from a failure by researchers to distinguish between healthy and toxic jealousy. If we accept that toxic jealousy is the progeny of fear of abandonment and therefore of neural origin, we have to accept that women are as jealous as men. In other words, females are just as likely as men to suffer fear of abandonment because of insecure attachment issues. There is now some attention being paid to jealousy in the context of attachment, and it is recognised that an insecure attachment sharpens the tooth of jealousy. I believe that it is at the core of jealousy.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
