The characteristics of shame-based people.
I suppose this post could also be called ‘what shame does to the person. It has been shown in the previously that these characteristics are rooted in us by one or both shame based parents.
My own experience was having a negative frame of mind and outlook, feeling uneasy without knowing why, feeling envy and jealousy, being driven, being a perfectionist- in brief not knowing who I was. I had never heard of the term ‘real self’ until well into my training. When I heard that term something clicked. I knew what I was looking for, and it was so worthwhile when I found my real self. When I read Carl Rogers book On Becoming a Person (worth buying) all began to change. I was in Galway (west of Ireland) on holidays, and as I read it I began to cry, the first tears for myself in almost 50 years! You see, one of the defences against toxic shame is to split the self. We cannot bear our toxic characteristics. They are too painful. So we develop a false identity out of the shamed core, and we never know our real selves.
Leave a Reply