Since toxic shame splits us, and we love the good side and despise the shadow side, it is essential to arrive at the situation where we love our whole selves, and feel this love as well as think it. Nevertheless we should use positive self-talk to affirm our love in ourselves. As we heal through working through the experiences that planted the shame in us, we come to love all of ourselves, and we get rid of the guilt associated with it.The best way to love all of ourselves is to have someone to love us unconditionally. In this way we accept all of ourselves, and such self-acceptance counteracts shame. This means being intimate, and in personal relationships. Without such non-shaming relationships we cannot heal.
You will recall that the shamed person is either more than human or less than human. It is, therefore, vital to have the courage to be imperfect, to accept our blemished humanity. The shamed person should, also, be aware of different situations that cause or trigger shame, and to practise assertive techniques to combat those people who seek to spray us with their core shame.
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