At any rate, let us very briefly look at what the literature says about some of the characteristics of the shamed person. One of the characteristics explored is grandiosity, which can be a delusional disorder, or simply a boastful individual who imagines that he is more important and has more talents than anyone else. This is being more that human. Psychologists label this as narcissism (a complex term that cannot be explored here), or over-love of oneself. Shamed people are very involved in themselves, very self-preoccupied with little interest or empathy in others. Bradshaw puts it very well
‘The Narcissist is endlessly motivated to seek perfection in everything he does. Such a personality is driven to the acquisition of wealth, power and beauty, and to find others who will mirror and admire his grandiosity. Underneath this external facade there is an emptiness filled with envy and rage. The core of this emptiness is internalised shame’.
Such a person cannot generate real intimacy with another, must always be in control, they withdraw from others, including their partners and children (by being busy, often seeing their lack of feeling as a strength or a virtue), and they rely on blaming others.
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