UNHEALTHY SHAME

Lynn Namka outlines other characteristics based on fear within the shamed person. People who are toxically shamed try to hide. They are crucified by fear of self-exposure in such areas as sexual feelings and actions, aggressive behaviour that is against public standards, issues around bathroom functions, body odours and cleanliness. They are also filled with fear of failing at a task when being observed by others, and dislike doing or saying something that may cause hurt to others. They are very conscious of class and social status. I remember being asked by an acquaintance about my father’s job, and being ashamed to tell him. My father was an excellent collierey storeman, but in my state of toxic shame I felt ashamed of him. This might give an indication of the burden of toxic shame.

 Marc Miller gives a helpful list of characteristics of shame based people. They are really feelings as well. They include alienation, inadequacy, helplessness, powerlessness, defenselessness, weakness, insecurity, uncertainty, shyness, ineffectual, inferiority, feeling flawed, exposed, unworthy, hurt, intimidated, defeated rejected, dumped, rebuffed, stupid, bizarre, odd, peculiar and different.

 

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