Take my hands, my children,
And look into the sun,
We will create our world,
Unwatched and unfettered.
The light shines through the trees,
As they green in time of spring.
I see the summer in your eyes,
Clouded by the storms of winter.
The winter clouds view the horizon,
Driven by the icy wind that chills the soul.
The gentle breeze of Spring rescues you
From barren waste
And I will hold you, too
In loving embrace,
And look into the future
Mirrored in your hopeful face.
Jim O’Shea
It is difficult to imagine the emotional turmoil that victims feel when they leave an abusive relationship. Linda gives us some idea of what it is like.
Your feelings when you leave can be scary, because they make no sense. It is just a big whirlwind, and you are just swished around in this whirlwind, with no control. I felt every emotion I can think of – sadness, anger, helplessness, loss, loneliness, stress, pain, unhappiness with the world, shock, no understanding of my life, loss of hope for me and my life, confusion, and anxiety. Some days I would wake up so sad, and had no interest in the day. Then it could turn to anger and I would say, “No! I’m not giving up. I am going to make a life for me and my son”. Everyday would bring such a mixture of emotions and feelings; it was so hard to keep in line with everyday life, like going to work.
Stress was a huge factor for me. I had been left with such a mess on top of my marriage failure. I was left with such financial burdens, and a completely new life to build. I was getting threatening letters everyday from banks. It was just one thing after another. I could go to work, sad from the loss of the relationship. Then it could turn to anger so quickly, when I would come home and see all these letters and all the problems he had left me to sort out, as he walked away. Confusion is such a big part of things, too. It’s impossible to rationalise any of what is going on in your life. How you got to this stage, and how it went so wrong.
Then you ask yourself the question, was part of it your fault? Why has he such hate and anger in him? Were you doing something wrong that he was so unhappy? And why wasn’t he happy and content with what he had, as you were, and as you both were when you met? It’s impossible to answer all the questions that go around and around in your head.
Of course, there is the stage where you long for your partner and dwell on all the good times. I think I spent a lot of time on my own thinking about this. But, when I would get really sad about the marriage ending, I would pick up the phone and talk to friends and family, and they would give me the courage, or that little shove that I would need to pick myself up and keep going!
Sometimes I would be paranoid that he might come to the house during the middle of the night in a rage before he left the country, and so all doors from most rooms were locked. I used to lock my bedroom door, and for a while I slept with either a Hurley or hockey stick by my locker, in case I was put in the position that I had to protect me and my child from him
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD