You must be assertive with a bully/controller/abuser/narcissist

When you understand the controlling personality, the complexity of jealousy and the irrationality of your partner trying to make you jealous, you can then consider your options. You have choices. You can remain and be subject to jealous outbursts where your freedom is curtailed and you are walking on eggshells, or you can face your tormentor with assertiveness and try to get some degree of freedom. You can only get freedom if you realise that you cannot placate the jealous person. Do not, for example, allow him to make you wear drab clothes as a way of placating him. He will never be satisfied no matter what you do to please him. Placating will only make matters worse.
Assertiveness is the best way to deal with a non-violent bully, but it is essential to confront the jealous person in a calm way, putting aside any anger you may feel and making it clear that there will be consequences if such conduct continues. This can create a crisis, and sometimes a crisis is the only way to resolve this painful situation. What I have noticed is that most people with a jealous partner are unable to take such a vital step, because they have been so devastated by jealous behaviour and hurtful words. They have lost their self-confidence, their belief in their own worth, and they fear the consequences of creating a crisis. Sometimes the help of a close friend or a professional can help them take the necessary steps.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME

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