Buying a mobile (cell) phone to maintain contact is also important. This will allow you to communicate with relevant people such as your children’s school, the police, neighbours, friends, or any helpful persons. My advice would be not to make such phone contact until you are far away from the abusive home.
The survival kit should also include essential items purchased from the domestic finances prior to departure. Such items would include extra clothing and sufficient medicines.
Finally, you might like to make arrangements for your children’s pets, if any. It is traumatic for children to leave their pets, and it might be possible to take small pets with you. If not, you might wish to leave them with a willing friend. You will know what to do.
I hope that this short chapter will give you relevant ideas, and help you make the difficult decision to leave an abusive environment. Take heart from Linda’s words, as she came to grips with, and overcame, her feelings about the ‘stigma’ of her marriage breakdown
‘I have also learned not to take on board opinions people have towards me that are not in a good nature. Even though we live in 2010, there is a certain stigma when a marriage breaks down. When you say to people that you are separated, some feel uncomfortable straight away. You can feel this in the conversation. Not everyone is like this, of course, but many people are.
I have neighbours near my home house who gave me THAT look, – the kind of look where you know they are saying, “She’s broken up with her husband“. I have one neighbour who will no longer say hello to me since my marriage has broken down.
This is just another side effect of a marriage breakdown; I used to find this hard at the start and felt embarrassed if someone that felt this way toward marriage breakdown saw me. I would nearly hide, so I wouldn’t get the look of distaste. But over time, it does get somewhat easier. I tell it as it is now. I am separated and I am a single mother. I don’t hide if from people I know and people I meet. This is my life, and if they feel awkward being around me because of that –that’s their problem!’
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD