Blog Archives

premonitions are common

Yearning is also accompanied by sadness. I consider sadness to be a beautiful feeling. It is the very essence of our loving humanity. It is the spirit of our vulnerability. We were sad for some years, and it has existed to the present day whenever we think of Cathal. It

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guilt can appear logical and yet rest upon irrational foundations

Should I have gone for a drive each Sunday so that Cathal would always be out of harm’s way? Should I have forbidden him his bicycle, so that he would be safer? Guilt can rest on ridiculous foundations and yet appear logical, but it is an immensely powerful feeling, and

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guilt

Generally, bereaved people experience anger, except in the case of a liberating loss. A liberating loss is where the survivor feels relief at the death. This can occur if the deceased had been extremely ill and in great pain. It can also occur if the relationship with the deceased was

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unhealthy to bury our feelings

Along with shock and disbelief, anger and rage soon made their powerful presence felt among us. Anger and rage are primitive feelings and cannot be subdued. The unfortunate person who manages to subdue them will suffer long-term depression and occasional outbursts of rage. Some of my clients call this a

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our whole world collapsed

While feelings, thoughts, behaviours and physical sensations are part of the grieving process, I believe that allowing feelings and emotions is the crucial aspect of successful grieving. Because of the importance of this, I will briefly reiterate some of the feelings that we experienced. The initial one was shock. This

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grieving involves thoughts, feelings, behaviours and body sensations

While complicated grief and PTSD were the two major diagnoses afflicting our family, making our grieving severe and long drawn out, the pattern of what we endured within those diagnoses falls within the normal plight of those struggling with loss. Bereavement psychologists tell us that grieving involves a wide range

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post traumatic stress in our family

The symptoms of PTSD are very recognisable in the accounts of our family. These symptoms are clearly defined, and the sufferer does not have to exhibit all of them to be diagnosed with this disorder. They include living in a nightmarish world, feeling detached, sleep abnormalities, feeling terrified, depression, loss

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a normal reaction to an abnormal situation

Overall, it is now clear to me that we suffered two major debilitating bereavement symptoms – Complicated Grief and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Understanding these is important for those suffering severe bereavement. Complicated Grief is also known as pathological grief, unresolved grief, chronic grief, delayed grief, or exaggerated grief. It has

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I see a family in chaos

I think that after going through the experience of grieving, and reaching some kind of acceptance, it is also good to normalise what happened. The death of a child is not normal, but it is important for others to see that the feelings endured are normal in the context of

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the loss of a child devastating irrespective of the age of the child

The loss of a child is devastating, irrespective of whether it happens through suicide, murder, drug overdose, accident, illness or any other cause. It is devastating irrespective of the age of the child, whether it is in the womb or an adult child. Of course these aspects are an extra

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