It is comforting to know that toxic shame can be healed to a large extent; but one must always be watchful and aware. It generally requires a fairly long series of counselling sessions to adequately deal with it.I spent many hours exploring my childhood, relationships with my parents, the influence
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toxic shame
Mark Brandenburg offers good advice on how to protect our children from our shame. He advises us to know our history of shame, and how it may be triggered by our children. Being on guard for these triggers helps us to avoid responding to them. Be aware of your child’s
toxic or unhealthy shame
Finally, parents should learn to give their child unconditional love, in so far as this is humanly possible. The more conditions we attach, the more we shame our children. The more we use conditional phrases, (such as ‘good boys/girls never answer back their mother/father’, ‘children should be seen and not
Toxic Shame. Prevention is better than the cure (part 2)
Children can be quite aggressive. This aggression is an inbuilt human condition, which may be called upon in later life, for example, to defend oneself. It is important for the parent not to feel threatened by their child’s aggressive impulses. This does not mean that they are encouraging aggression,
unhealthy shame
One of the key aspects in preventing toxic shame and rage is allowing your child to detach. As I have already mentioned, much has been written on attachment to the primary carer. Failure to detach and move to autonomy breeds core shame. It is important for the parent to allow
Toxic Shame. Prevention is better than the cure.
In a later post I hope to look at how toxic shame is healed, but first I would like to explore how children can be protected, and never have to carry its awful burden. Such prevention would ensure their peace of mind as adults and would stop the cross-
UNHEALTHY SHAME
Lynn Namka outlines other characteristics based on fear within the shamed person. People who are toxically shamed try to hide. They are crucified by fear of self-exposure in such areas as sexual feelings and actions, aggressive behaviour that is against public standards, issues around bathroom functions, body odours and cleanliness.
CHARACTERISTICS OF SHAME-BASED PEOPLE
Addictions and compulsive behaviours. This is too detailed to deal with here, and I recommend that anyone interested in it consult Bradshaw. An addiction kills our emotions, and dulls the pain of core shame. It is important to remember that there are many types of addictions and they all operate
In my last contribution I have looked at some of the characteristics of shame-based people. Again, these may not always stem from shame. They are, however, a good guide for those who may be unaware that the discomfort they feel comes from being shamed to the core. Below are other
CHARACTERISTICS OF SHAME BASED PEOPLE (CONTD.)
Rage. Some people suppress the rage that stems from being shamed to the core. This can easily turn to depression. Shame contaminates all feelings, except rage. Rage is the most powerful of all feelings. Rage is internalised and makes the person bitter, sarcastic, and negative. If the raging person has