In a later post I hope to look at how toxic shame is healed, but first I would like to explore how children can be protected, and never have to carry its awful burden. Such prevention would ensure their peace of mind as adults and would stop the cross- generational transfer of toxic shame to their own children. It is true, as I have written earlier, that toxically shamed parents are unable to provide the proper nurture for their children, and will spray them with shame. Nevertheless, if shamed parents become aware of what toxic shame is, as previously outlined, they can take steps to protect their children from contamination, and, possibly through therapy, begin to heal themselves as well.
So what do parents need to know and to allow in relation to their child’s development and behaviour? They need to know first of all that they are the fundamental influences on their child’s formation. The primary carer, usually the mother, is the most crucial. Parents need to teach their children by what psychologists call mirroring. Mirroring means that parents respect their child as a human with serious and basic needs, including the need to be admired and praised.